Comments on: I’ll try to do better next time… jerk :)

By: fozmeadows

fozmeadows — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 05:05:10 +0000

It’s not that he’s your friend, or that he’s your boss – it’s that he never feels like your boss until he has to act like it. Which, par for the course, will be when you fuck up. And because this is the only time he feels like a boss, he still won’t actually *feel* like a boss so much as a friend claiming moral high-ground they don’t actually have, and riding you for it. Which anyone would resent. That’s the dealie with modern workplaces – you can be friends with your boss, but it makes legitimate discipline tricky, and unfair discipline a friendship-wrecker.

It’s hard to rationalise our feelings, even when we know why they happen. But so long as you don’t carry resentment of any discipline into friendship time (unless it’s clearly meant as teasing) or full emotional blackmail or yell or something, you’ll be shiny. If you’re anything like me, you take constructive criticism well because you can shut up and listen to what the other person says, simmer quietly for ten minutes, then sift through your recollection and conclude that, no matter how much it pisses you off, you were wrong, and there’s something to learn.

By: Jenn

Jenn — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 20:53:12 +0000

The great thing about being a first-time professional is that everyone expects you to fuck up. The line is drawn in the quantity and magnitude of the mistake. As long you keep them both to a minimum, you should be fine. No one is perfect. Ever. Even people who have been doing what you do forever make mistakes. Heard of Enron? Or George W. Bush? Mistakes o’plenty. Luckily you’re getting feedback from someone you know and respect, so you can be confident that it’s done with good intentions. When folks start throwing you under the bus, then you might want to worry. When I was new, I found people respected me more when I not only owned up to my mistakes, but I took the initiative to repair them.

By: slightlyseven

slightlyseven — Mon, 23 Jun 2008 04:21:41 +0000

I have a tough time with criticism.

I take it personally, in direct proportion to my attachment to a particular outcome. And being tied to that endpoint trips me up each time. For me, it comes down to my ego.

The accumulation of choices we make bring us the feedback we need, to point us in the right direction. We still have absolute choice — that’s the cool-shit part of the deal. A tolerance for making mistakes is critical. But it’s my responsibility to learn from them. I get it.

Why is it harder, though, from people that I care about? My investment in a larger outcome. It’s not just about task A or project X, it’s about accepting me as a person. Or maybe it’s a misperception that it’s about accepting me as a person — either way, my feelings don’t discriminate, or recognize a hard drawn line.

Lottie’s insightful comments do deserve some credit here, too. Anything that makes K spit out that Diet Coke(R) is appreciated. That stuff is bad for you. Some say the aspartame (which decomposed into DKP and formaldehyde under normal storage conditions) causes MS-like symptoms. It sounds like your friend/colleague may have some kind of problem.

By: Lottie

Lottie — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 15:44:49 +0000

Oh… I meant to say that I love the comic and can relate to that as well. It also made for a good laugh.

By: Lottie

Lottie — Sat, 21 Jun 2008 15:41:58 +0000

I think it more so has to do with my constant need to please and feeling like I let people down… especially when I let down friends or people close to me. I can’t sleep at night if I’m on bad terms with someone.

That makes perfect sense; better than what I suggested Haha…

And I can totally relate! I’m the same way, and I lose sleep over it too.