Man you sound like me. Except rather then get angry when I think things turn to lectures I just tune out. I haven’t learnt the shut your mouth part yet. mine is still always yapping and getting me in trouble.

By Nat on 07.10.08 11:36 pm | Permalink

I know the feeling. I have a tendency to snap at my husband when, in the middle of one of my rants, he has the temerity to voice an actual, reasonable opinion that doesn’t 100% corrolate with mine. It’s been a learning curve, but basically, I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that when I rant, I essentially want a yes-man audience. And at all normal times in life, I loathe and despise yes-men, which really gives me no leverage to make an exception just ‘coz I’m pissed off. It only feels like a lecture because he’s taking the time, however small an amount, to articulate a point of view or explain how he sees things, and because I either disagree or think it’s a side-issue, I just wanna get back to hijacking the conversation, ranting away in flow and generally making myself feel better.

I think the way to look at it is, would you appreciate someone talking to you, at length and passionately about something topical, if every time you tried to contribute, they got snarky? It’s hard when you’re fired up, but maybe the trick is to try laughing at yourself, rather than at the other person. It does no harm to your values to be able to smile at them, and maybe – from time to time – let the other person get a word in edgeways.

Of course, I might have totally misunderstood your post, in which case, feel free to disregard.

By Foz Meadows on 07.11.08 12:23 am | Permalink

I’m no help because I’m the same about lectures. One of my biggest pet peeves is when I play poker at a tournament, I do or say something non-kosher, people point it out and then I ADMIT THAT I WAS WRONG. OK – once I admit that I was wrong, it’s OVER. But these buttheads start blah-blah-blahing and I just want to scream. I KNOW – I JUST ADMITTED I WAS IN THE WRONG. SHUT YOUR PIEHOLE NOW.

This probably didn’t help you, but it did help me feel better.

By Alice on 07.11.08 9:27 am | Permalink

First of all, OMG, I love me some Wedding Crashers!!!!!

Now, I have kinda the same problem. I am very free with voicing my opinions and it is hard to hold back. This gets me in lots (LOTS) of trouble and causes more heartache than it’s worth (sometimes). However, if I bite my tongue, I feel like I am turning my back on myself.

Lately I have been trying to find a happy medium and sometimes I can and sometimes I can’t. I hate feeling like I am being lectured as well. Most often, if I feel the person I am talking to is going to lecture, I will tell them ahead of time that I really just need to vent and I don’t want any feedback. I just need to say what I have to say and be done with it.

There have been times that I did let it go and not speak my mind and later on realized that I did the right thing. Looking back gave me time to see that I would have said something out of the way just because I was passionate about the subject and was not thinking clearly.

Bottom line, it’s hard to find that middle ground and sometimes you will feel like you are giving up part of yourself by not speaking up, but there will be times that you will look back and realize that you did the right thing by not talking.

By Cereal Dieter on 07.11.08 10:23 am | Permalink

Well it’s good to know I’m not alone in my frustration!!!
Thanks so much for all the sound advice and not lectures! I heart you all!

By MsCatalysta on 07.11.08 9:00 pm | Permalink

So why exactly are you still speaking to the person in the first place if you didn’t like them in college? Unless they’re valuable in your life goals and personal life – I wouldn’t even bother, let alone listen to their lectures. And hey, if you ever need to vent to someone – I’m perfect for that. Most of the time, when someone calls to blow off steam on me, I usually don’t know what to say so you won’t get a lecture from me! I think that it’s better to be able to have some way to vent rather than holding it all in and them blowing up all at the same time to someone that you never intended to blow up on to begin with. Oh dear, is this considered lecturing? Ok, I’ll stop while I’m ahead.

I hope everything is alright. I haven’t really talked to you since before the fourth of July. We need to hang out for a bit again. And PS, I’m going to have to research this dog peeing on your stuff thing. I’m on it!

By Miranda on 07.11.08 10:17 pm | Permalink

Let’s see… When you’re frustrated, can you go running to relieve the frustration. Obviously you’re not going to rip off your work clothes Superman-style to reveal workout clothes underneath, but at the end of the day. Running probably gives you time to rehash the day. If you are STILL upset when you are done, write it down and come up with a concrete ways you can address the frustration constructively. During “lectures” can you go all college and just take notes? This way, the writing gives you something to do with your mounting frustration and it also keeps you from missing important info. Again, it gives you the chance to revisit the topic when you’re calmer.

It’s a little strange trying to give share an opinion when you don’t have all the info. Kinda like making a cake with no eggs. Hope it helps a little, though.

By thecoconutdiaries on 07.12.08 5:24 pm | Permalink

BTW- Yes! I am in on a trip with you and Cereal Dieter. But we gotta go somewhere cool. There is NO way I’m going to Buffalo.

By thecoconutdiaries on 07.12.08 5:27 pm | Permalink

Don’t worry! I don’t live in Buffalo anymore! I live in Columbus, OH- equally as boooring. I’ve never been to Texas! And I have no idea where Cereal Dieter lives! I vote for a long weekend somewhere like Chicago. where we can dance, drink, and have a grand old time!

By MsCatalysta on 07.12.08 8:07 pm | Permalink