I seem to live in a state of constant opposition. I usually chalk it up to curse of the twenty something and our selfish Gen Y motto of “i want it… i want it right the hell now… and i want it with a bow on it… and with free WiFi.” So I’m constantly feeling pulled in many directions. Here is a conflicting list that runs through my head on a nearly daily basis-
1a. I want to move to NYC and get some 8 story walk up efficiency crap hole, with my dog, my Jimmy Choos, a fantastic agency job, walking to work amongst my fellow city-mates. Be totally career driven and maybe find a boyfriend but date casually, get married when I’m 30.
1b. I want a big house, decorated with a modern, fun feel. I want to get married at 25 and travel a lot. I want a stable life with lots of room. Maybe start a family in my early 30′s. Be financially comfortable and have everything I need without any major complications.
2a. I want a big white wedding. 200+ people, big white dress, impeccable makeup and hair. Every eye on me as I walk down the aisle with a bouquet of glittering flowers. 9 bridesmaids and my dog as ring bearer.
2b. I want to run away with closest friends and family to somewhere wildly romantic. Still want the white dress, but get married on a mountaintop overlooking some amazing old beautiful countryside. Then maybe throw a party when we get home for everyone else who couldn’t be there.
3a. I want to be wildly successful corporate something or other. Whether that means a creative director or CEO or producer. I want to run a company and everyone to love me as their boss and get to travel on an amazing expense account.
3b. I want to be a writer and work from home. I would love to be a novelist or screenwriter. Be able to make a fantastic living and be a stay at home mom at the same time.
3c. I want to live in NYC and be a famous Broadway actress. Bust my ass knocking down every damn door until I’m the next Elphaba in Wicked. (I know I know… but it’s my dream so lay off!)
3d. I want to join Habitat for Humanity or the Peace Corps and help others that are less fortunate in countries that are torn apart by war, poverty and disease. I want to help and make a real difference in the world and lives of others.
Being that all of these things- where I want to live, what I want to do, and basically what I want out of life- define who I am or possibly might be… I feel that having my multiple personalities in these particular areas could possibly be setting me up for failure or at least some major disappointment. I just don’t know what would make me happiest sometimes. I feel like I could choose any combination of these and do well for myself, but I don’t know if I’d achieve my ultimate potential or my ultimate happiness.
I don’t know. Maybe I’m just having another quarter life crisis. I feel that I’m the happiest I’ve ever been right now, so I know that’s not a problem. Just a little scattered I guess. What do you think?
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Your inner thoughts sound spookily like mine – some of the time, anyway. My sanity-saving theory is that there’s no one path to happiness for any one person – that is, path A won’t make you happier than path B, so much as happier in a different way. Different choices fulfil different needs. The tragedy of being human is that we only get one life, but have several lifetimes-worth of ambition. But there’s surprisingly helpful adage about a bird in the hand being worth two in the bush: which I take to mean, if one of your dream options rolls round, don’t worry if you might be better off waiting for a different one – go for it!
By Foz Meadows on 07.21.08 12:30 am | Permalink
I love that advice Foz Meadows! It’s absolutely perfect!
I don’t think it could be impossible to include a little bit of everything into your life. It may not be exactly what you want, but it can be pretty darn close and that’s what we have to love and enjoy. And sometimes, its better. Like dogs, I absolutely had to have a purebred Maltese, but I’m sure if I would have gotten a mutt, it would have been much smarter and wouldn’t have a luxating patella (No, I’m not bitter in the least!) In genetic terms it’s called hybrid vigor – two unrelated breeds producing a mutt with greater-than-expected qualities (Trust me people, it’s not the hormones that make your meat taste better). The thing is, who cares about 20 years from now, I seriously very rarely think of it. I’m most concerned about what’s happening today and what may happen tomorrow. I really want to enjoy what I have right now before its gone; I don’t want any regrets. It’ll all fall into place when the time comes. Of course, reminder, this is coming from a severe over-achiever who is one nervous breakdown away from a gastric ulcer.
By Miranda on 07.21.08 10:42 am | Permalink
That is excellent advice Fozmeadows and pretty much exactly what I was saying about choosing any combination and being very happy with it.
Miranda- I think you just found your blog title “Severe Overachiever” – one nervous breakdown away from an ulcer.” PERFECT!!
By MsCatalysta on 07.21.08 11:36 am | Permalink
I think you can have it all…you’ll just have to tweek it a bit to fit into your lifetime. If you can’t take 200 people to a mountain for your wedding, just have your wedding cake shaped like a mountain (or get one of those Sears photo backdrops that looks like a mountain!). Goodness know we have tons of war, poverty and disease in The States, so you can make a difference at home.
If anyone can figure out a way to do it all, it’d be you.
By thecoconutdiaries on 07.21.08 3:04 pm | Permalink
Oh my gosh that’s probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me, Coconut! Thanks!!!! You have just made my day!
By MsCatalysta on 07.21.08 3:21 pm | Permalink
Whoa…are you the voice inside my head? Your list reads just like mine. The only thing is, I’ve alreday had the wedding-it was wonderful but neither the super glamourous 50,000 wedding I ignorantly dreamed of: who knew. Already married. Husband will NOT consider moving to NYC even though his boss lives there, so my list of dreams is getting smaller and smaller.
I’ve learned that i can’t control the path or direction my life takes, but that I can still dream and hope and enjoy the life I do have. Because if I had followed my list of dreams, I wouldn’t have what I have now. I’d say I wouldn’t trade it in the world, but I’ve never experienced the other side of my dreams/desires and so who knows!
By April on 07.23.08 3:21 pm | Permalink
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