So I’m thinking my post title says it all. But in case you didn’t know, my childhood cat was hit by a car and died about a month ago. I went home last weekend for Sister’s bridal shower. (Pictures and stories to come…)  When I walk into my parent’s house late Friday night after working a full day and driving for 5.5 hours to get to Buffalo, my mother was considerate enough to remove the tin of my cat’s ashes from my room. She knew that I would be tired and easily irritable from the terrible Ohio drivers and crappy road food. But I still wanted to see “him.” I asked her to tell me the whole story. 

And even though I asked, I didn’t want to know. But I asked therefore implying that I did want to know and so she told me. 

My mother and stepfather were eating dinner in the backyard when the phone rings. The neighbor who called asked my mother where our cat was. My mom told her she just saw him and he was probably running around somewhere. My neighbor told my mom not to go out front and that she was going to “take care of it.” My mother being who she is walks out front. There was my beloved Charlie cat at the bottom of the driveway. 

So by this point I’m crying and I ask my mom… again with the questions you don’t really want the answers to… “Mom, was it bad?” 

“Well, Meg… yeah… it was pretty bad. But he didn’t suffer.” 

Then I got to find that he was scrapped off the road with a shovel.

So she tells me that she took the tin out of my room so that it wasn’t the first thing I saw when I got in my room. But then she told me that he was in the spare bedroom. I went into the room and lost it for about a half hour. Just lost it. Every emotion I’ve been feeling in the past month was completely let loose in that spare room as I sat on the floor. 13 years of memories with my Charlie-cat were spilled out onto that floor. Now is ashes- which are really crushed bones- yeah… not cool- are in my bedroom waiting to be spread amongst the trees behind my house. Which I will… when I can officially let him go. 

Now it’s not that I wouldn’t have cried my eyes out anyway had I not heard the story because trust me I did… but some things you just shouldn’t know. And furthermore- I need to learn to not ask.