Guilty. 

I am the office cryer. Well I don’t want to get ahead of myself. I don’t just start crying for no reason. I don’t cry when the printer is out of paper. I don’t even cry when I’m being reprimanded. But when I get really passionate about something or I’m trying to explain why I’m upset or frustrated- sometimes I just can’t hold back the tears.

I hate it! I hate being that one that can’t suck it up. Maybe it’s inexperience. Maybe it’s age. Maybe it’s just that I give a damn. Who knows? But of course I’ve been watching the Olympics- specifically gymnastics. I see these tiny Chinese girls (who are clearly and obviously 12 years old and not 16 as China tries to claim) and the USA women falling or stumbling and carrying themselves off with such grace. You can tell they are upset and maybe even holding back tears but they compose themselves and accept their less than perfect score and move on. I admire that. But even back in my competition gymnast days when I fell off the beam or tripped on floor, I cried. I’m just not good at holding back.

And what’s worse is that once I start- I can’t stop. If someone tries to sympathize or give me a hug of support- I lose it farther! Then it becomes an uncontrollable sobbing. And I’m an ugly cryer. My nose starts to run and my face gets all blotchy. My eyes get so puffy you can barely see them not that it matters because they are completely bloodshot anyway. My hair suddenly becomes a bird nest from my fidgeting and the inevitable bucket of tears and snot that somehow made their way into it. I’m a mess. There’s no coming back from that gracefully. The entire day people come up to talk to you and suddenly stop dead in their tracks because it looks like someone just told you your puppy has been shot. Not exactly the professional picture you’d like to paint. And by that point, I’ve probably fallen into a deep pit of despair and self-loathing for letting something or someone get the better of me that I beat myself up over it for hours and hours- sometimes weeks. Other people have probably long forgotten- but not me.

But now I need to learn. I need to dig deep and shut down the waterworks. Channel my inner Nastia Liukin and Shawn Johnson. I need to learn some grace and poise. And maybe keep the tissues handy…

Anyone else an office cryer or have a good story about one?