Comments on: Do I have a scarlet letter or something? http://mscatalysta.com/2008/08/20/do-i-have-a-scarlet-letter-or-something/ Trying to get down the aisle in one piece... Sat, 16 Oct 2010 22:41:16 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: David Mullen http://mscatalysta.com/2008/08/20/do-i-have-a-scarlet-letter-or-something/comment-page-1/#comment-305 David Mullen Thu, 28 Aug 2008 14:46:22 +0000 http://mscatalysta.com/?p=155#comment-305 First, congrats on finding a house! That's exciting stuff. I think the reason most people ask the "when" questions is because, as you pointed out, things feel out of order to them. It's probably more prevalent among older and conservative folks, but I think I understand where they're coming from. Things like buying a house and having babies are big deals because they have some permanency. I know you can sell a house, but older folks didn't job hop or move as much as Gen x'ers and Y'ers are, so buying a house seems more permanent to them. My aunt and uncle have lived in the same house for 37 years. So I think it catches them off-guard when marriage doesn't precede houses and babies because, in their eyes, marriage is permanent too. Of course we know it's not. We know that 50 percent aren't permanent, but, hopefully, people at least plan for their marriage to be permanent when they enter it. So I think that's why they ask those questions. For them, the series of permanent things started with the fundamental permanent thing - marriage. Also, it's quicker and easier to break up than it is to get a divorce. So I think some people see making permanent decisions outside of marriage as a bit risky. For what it's worth... :) First, congrats on finding a house! That’s exciting stuff.

I think the reason most people ask the “when” questions is because, as you pointed out, things feel out of order to them. It’s probably more prevalent among older and conservative folks, but I think I understand where they’re coming from.

Things like buying a house and having babies are big deals because they have some permanency. I know you can sell a house, but older folks didn’t job hop or move as much as Gen x’ers and Y’ers are, so buying a house seems more permanent to them. My aunt and uncle have lived in the same house for 37 years.

So I think it catches them off-guard when marriage doesn’t precede houses and babies because, in their eyes, marriage is permanent too. Of course we know it’s not. We know that 50 percent aren’t permanent, but, hopefully, people at least plan for their marriage to be permanent when they enter it.

So I think that’s why they ask those questions. For them, the series of permanent things started with the fundamental permanent thing – marriage.

Also, it’s quicker and easier to break up than it is to get a divorce. So I think some people see making permanent decisions outside of marriage as a bit risky.

For what it’s worth… :)

]]> By: Dingo http://mscatalysta.com/2008/08/20/do-i-have-a-scarlet-letter-or-something/comment-page-1/#comment-287 Dingo Wed, 20 Aug 2008 22:13:41 +0000 http://mscatalysta.com/?p=155#comment-287 It drives me nuts when people ask me when Mr. Dingo and I are going to get married -- as if being married means that you are more committed to the relationship than if you aren't married. I think we can all point to married relationships where that just isn't true. It's a piece of paper folks! Not a magic wand! Wow, I just turned my comment into a semi-blog post. Sorry about that but your post was very timely as I have had to field this question quite a bit lately. It drives me nuts when people ask me when Mr. Dingo and I are going to get married — as if being married means that you are more committed to the relationship than if you aren’t married. I think we can all point to married relationships where that just isn’t true. It’s a piece of paper folks! Not a magic wand!

Wow, I just turned my comment into a semi-blog post. Sorry about that but your post was very timely as I have had to field this question quite a bit lately.

]]> By: thecoconutdiaries http://mscatalysta.com/2008/08/20/do-i-have-a-scarlet-letter-or-something/comment-page-1/#comment-286 thecoconutdiaries Wed, 20 Aug 2008 17:14:53 +0000 http://mscatalysta.com/?p=155#comment-286 The Hubster and I were together for 4 years before he proposed so I get the pressure. The not-so-good-news is that the questions don't end once the ring is on your finger. Then it's When are you getting married? When are you having kids? When you going to make a million dollars? Retire? Die? All you can do is spend your time coming up with creative answers that make you chuckle inside. The Hubster and I were together for 4 years before he proposed so I get the pressure. The not-so-good-news is that the questions don’t end once the ring is on your finger. Then it’s When are you getting married? When are you having kids? When you going to make a million dollars? Retire? Die?

All you can do is spend your time coming up with creative answers that make you chuckle inside.

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