Punctuality- Needs Improvement

I suck at being on time. Ever since the move, my commute has more than doubled. Any normal person would probably then make sure they get in their car an extra twenty minutes to make up for that extra bit. But not this punctuality challenged twenty-something. Well that’s not exactly true. I try. I really do. But no matter what I do, I can’t seem to get my ass in gear. I get up early enough- it’s not the sleep that I need. I’m the oldest young person you’ll ever know crawling her ass into bed at 9:30. I get up and have some breakfast, a cup of coffee and turn on the TV. No, I’m not filling my morning with the News about the ever shit-canned economy and job losses or the serial rapist who’s torturing young women all around Columbus- I don’t like to start my morning with things that make me want to cry. Instead, I turn on some trashy reality TV that makes Boyfriend cringe with disgust but makes me feel a little happier when I can say, “well no matter how bad things get for me, at least I’m not some washed up porn star trying her hand at “Charm School” and the only claim to fame I have is trying to screw a washed up 80’s hair band member who’s double my age” or “Wow Spencer is such an asshole, why is Heidi still with him??!! Why is Audrina still talking to them?? The world would be a better place if that cast of tramps just got hit by a bus.” Actually, now that I think about it I’m not sure if that last one makes me feel happier or sadder about my life that I care… food for thought, I guess?

Anyway, herein lies the problem. I can’t turn it off. Once I start a show- I can’t get up until it’s over. I slowly wake up to this junk, I drink my coffee, and then ever so slowly I drag my ass to the shower. The rest of my morning is a blur of me running around as fast as I can while simultaneously debating whether I want to go the day without wearing makeup or if I’d rather go to work with wet hair. Oh, I might also mention that I do this with reruns of Saved by the Bell playing in the background. Yes, I’m serious.

Then, as it always happens- when you’re already slightly behind schedule, everything else decides to fuck with you as much as possible. Your dog decides to piss on the carpet after you’ve already taken her out twice and she just stared at you. You get stuck behind a bus full of special needs kids. That barely running train decides to barrel through. The senior citizen in front of you slams on their brakes at every hint of a yellow light. And then of course- BOOM you’re officially charging to your desk 20 minutes late in heels that are NOT inconspicuous, trying to avoid your boss who is getting coffee in the cafe which is conveniently located 15 feet from your desk, turning on your computer and booting up your email to pretend like you’ve been there all morning and secretly rubbing your sprained ankle that you maintained while tripping up the stairs on your rhinoceros-like stampede into the office.

Here Mr. Senior VP- let me mark that review sheet for you… the punctuality category… hmm… is there a box for “sucks?” Or maybe I should just cancel my DVR service?. (Today is the day that I wish I had Dingo-like photoshop capabilities because this post would make for a classic pic… maybe she’ll take a break from thesis writing and make one for me! haha!)

9 Comments so far

You know, if I had REAL photoshop skills, I could photoshop an image of you at your desk that would fool your boss into thinking you are there. Then again, I think that would require a hologram. I am good. I am not that good.

I am so always late to stuff myself…. Work though, I am usually on time or early for. Anything work related actually. I’m not sure why I’m like that…. I am notoriously late except when it comes to work… Am weird!

So, I can’t relate to your issues with punctuality, but I can say that reality TV is like crack and it’s an addiction you simply must break cold turkey. I swear I could sit blissfully watching Top Chef marathons for an entire Sunday and probably forget to brush my teeth. It’s sad, very very sad. Bravo is the devil.

Dingo- you can just borrow CNN’s machine. Maybe you can hologram in a member of the Black Eyed Peas too!

Cereal Dieter- well that’s not a bad thing! Friends may get annoyed but chances are they won’t fire your from their friendship for tardiness… work on the other hand…

Sister- you ARE a slave to Bravo. I, myself, lean towards the Project Runway marathons. Have you seen Millionare Matchmaker? Priceless stuff.

I called in late to work yesterday so I could finish my DVR’d “Brothers & Sisters”. What? I HAD to know if Kevin was going to give Nora the house!

Oh my goodness, Bravo IS the devil!!! Top Chef, Project Runway, Housewives, there’s a new designer one that is awesome…and who can resist the ABC shows - Greys, Ugly Betty, Desperate Housewives, Brothers and Sisters…

Hello, my name is Miranda and I’m addicted to Television.

On the issue of being late, I’m usually right on time (which is considered late in the corporate world, right?) and speaking of cable, I’m three months late on my cable bill…how’s THAT for being late! I rock.

See, I have the same problem, but for the exact opposite reason. The earliest I’m ever, *ever* in bed is 10:30, and I don’t normally fall asleep until sometime between 11 and 1. That’s on a weeknight; weekends can be later. I’m a total night-owl. So I tend to sleep in as much as possible, and then under-estimate the time it takes me to get in (although I’m getting better with that, now that I cycle rather than catch the tram).

But reality TV? DO. NOT. WANT. I seriously cannot be in the same room as reality TV - not ‘coz I’m afraid of getting addicted, but because it causes me actual physical and mental pain. The same is true of any TV I’m not interested in, and as much as it’s crazy to compare myself to Hannibal Lecter, this is one thing he and I have in common: being forced to listen to or watch shit TV is a form of Goddam punnishment.

*mutter mutter mutter*

CoconutDiaries- we ARE kindred spirits!

Miranda- Time Warner are a bunch of assholes. I just had to yell at them yesterday for not taking the WEEK of service off my bill because it took someone that long to come out and fix it! For which the entire week I didn’t have cable OR internet because the first asshole that I waited another week to set it up- did it wrong in the first place. Awesome.

FozMeadows- Boyfriend is the same way. He just about pulls his hair out when I force him to watch America’s Next Top Model or any reality show where every other word needs to be bleeped out. It makes him very angry.

I know how you feel. I’m always telling Joe, “We can go, but not until this show is over.” And I MUST see the previews for the next episode, even if I’m going to watch it right then. What can I say, I like previews. I’m weird…

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