I’ve always been self conscious about my weight.

Even in high school, when I weighed a whopping 117 lbs. I felt fat. I contribute this terrible body image mostly on growing up as a competition gymnast and the immense pressure to be a waif and partially on my parents constant focus on their own weights while I was a kid. I’m also highly susceptible to the celebrity stories and other media propaganda surrounding weight losses and gains. I’ve been hyper-aware of weight my whole life.

The problem is when I do gain a bit and don’t feel very good about myself, I get so down that I’m defeated before I even start to do anything about it. And then, I try to ignore it. I know I still look ok and therefore just try to forget about it until another 5lbs is gained. You have just been given a glimpse into the vicious cycle of a classic self defeatist.

I know I’m not alone and in that I take great comfort. But here’s where I need some help. With a wedding looming, I need to get healthier. I want the obvious bridal benefit of walking down that aisle feeling like my best and most beautiful self, but I also want the benefit of knowing that I am capable of breaking my terrible cycle. I think our wedding is the perfect time to start a whole new outlook on life. I’m making a commitment to Chris to be a loyal, kind, and faithful wife and I want to make an equal commitment to myself to be a better, healthier, and stronger person both mentally and physically. The help I need from my wonderful readers and friends is the encouragement to help me get through my self defeatism. This kind of stuff runs deep people- really deep. So I need all the help I can get.

I’m beginning my wedding commitment today with a long bike ride and following up with a walk with my dogs. I’ve also joined SparkPeople.com for some tips and camaraderie. Slowly, I will build up to the level I want to be but I don’t want to make any large goals for myself just yet. I’m too scared if I don’t accomplish my goal, I’ll feel like a failure. I’m a little too fragile for an actual failure at the moment, so I’m trying for a gradual, overall lifestyle change.

Please wish me luck and encouragement!!

For all you people who want to join me here are some great websites you can check out:

SparkPeople.com- get an account and you can join a community that will help you set goals and talk to others in your same situation. They also give you recipes and tips to keep on track. It’s an incredible source of information for people trying live healthier and/or lose some weight. It’s easy and everything you need is online. It’s also FREE!!

Weight Watchers- I’ve never done this myself but I’ve heard testimonies from others that swear by Weight Watchers. With the weigh ins and meetings, you find people who feel the same way and don’t look down on you for your weight. You can eat whatever you want while staying in your overall points value for the day. You pay for membership but from what I heard it’s well worth it.

Flat Belly Diet- Sounds like a fad but I’ve seen it work for my future mother in law. It’s a bit tougher to follow since it requires more specific foods to eat, but it does actually work. It’s not really a fad because it is about eating healthier foods such as unrefined, wholesome foods, vegetables, fruits, nuts, and whole grains. Pretty much the basis of all good diets. You can buy the book here.