I’m desperate for a DJ.

We’ve chosen a jazz quartet for our ceremony, cocktail hour and dinner, but I’m looking for a fantastic DJ for our reception. I’ve sent out numerous emails with very little success trying to track down one. Come on Buffalo! Help me out here! I know my criteria is a little… we’ll say… strict, but I can’t help it. I have a firm policy of “no crap” at our wedding. I want plenty of fun- I just don’t want that fun to include synchronized dancing a la “YMCA” or “Macarena.” Is it so much to ask for a little originality in wedding music? Do DJ’s have nothing else up their sleeves than “We Are Family?”

I get it I get it. People love cheesy weddings songs. But I don’t. And neither does Chris for that matter. Call me Bridezilla, but seriously if I have to listen to that junk, I will walk out of my own wedding. Ok- maybe that’s a bit dramatic, but if I can prevent a conga line from forming- that would make me incredibly happy.

So here is my wedding DJ criteria and if you know of any around the Buffalo area who fit the bill and are available on January 1, 2011- please feel free to send them my way!

DON’T (and yes I have personally witnessed every one of these things at a wedding in the past)

• Props. There is nothing worse than when a DJ gets on the dance floor with a fuzzy pimp hat or afro wig and dances with your guests to “Play that funky music white boy” while doing the ‘sprinkler.’ Or when he tries to strap a fake ankle restraint with a ball and chain on your new husband. It’s not funny and it’s not cute. Please leave the props at home and let the drunk groomsmen take care of the ‘running man’ and the ‘worm’- they are entertaining enough.
• Advertisements. I don’t want to look at a banner for “PHENOMENAL SOUNDS ENTERTAINMENT, LLC HIRE US FOR YOUR NEXT PARTY!!” across your booth or see that in my wedding pictures for many many years to come. If people like you, they’ll ask me and I’ll be glad to give them your number if you do a great job. Let your work speak for itself.
• Flirt with or try to hook up with any guests or members of the wedding party. It is not ok. Period.
• Drink or smoke. I’m paying for a few hours of your time. Please don’t partake in my open bar and try to leave the cigarettes in the car until the night is over.
• Have a video montage on your website to Kool and the Gang’s, “Celebration.” This should go without saying, but I saw this on 4 COUNT EM 4 websites for DJ’s alone in 1 day. There are hundreds of thousands of songs out there that can represent you and the weddings you’ve worked. I’ll say it again- originality.
• Bottom line- don’t be THIS guy.

DO (I know there are amazing DJ’s out there who do these things without thinking…

• Have a fabulous catalog of songs with a large mix of genres. Big band to contemporary. Let the couple give you some suggestions of their favorite stuff and work with them on a playlist that won’t make them or their guests cringe.
• Update your website. I can’t tell you how many awful sites I’ve seen which immediately leave a bad taste in my mouth. You don’t need a HUGE site with tons of bells and whistles. Give me some basic info, a contact number and email, and some of the services you offer. Keep it simple, keep it clean. and see my note about the video montage above. I beg you!!!
• Dress professionally. I don’t need you in a tux necessarily but a nice all black outfit is always appreciated.
• Be punctual with all aspects of planning and the big day. Prompt email responses, phone calls returned in a timely manner, and showing up on time every time, demonstrates that you are responsible and trustworthy to handle the huge task of running the night and helps ease the already stressed out bride.
• Be personable and fun. You can be just as fabulous of a DJ without props or the cheese factor. Your emcee skills, knowledge of music and reading the crowd should be enough to entertain a room of people. No disco balls needed.
• Maybe this cat can be my DJ… because he is awesome.

Ok randomness. So anyway, I think this is a pretty comprehensive list. I know there is a DJ like this out there somewhere! I know it, I have faith! I mean, am I asking too much? Honestly- am I nuts and totally off my rocker with my requests for a music provider? Feel free to add your thoughts to my list. Anything you’d add or subtract? What are your dos and don’ts for a DJ?

And if you’re as paranoid as I am, here is a great  list of questions to ask up front before it’s too late and your DJ busts out a rubber chicken while subjecting your guests to the third grade nonsense of the ‘chicken dance.’ Don’t say I didn’t warn you!