About a year ago I mentioned how bummed I was about finding out via Facebook how one of my best friends got engaged. I was and am happy for him, but I was sad that he didn’t tell me himself. (Since that post, we have reconciled from our falling out and are now on good terms.) I’ve known the guy since I was 9 and we dated for about a year when we were in high school. My first “real” love, he went off to college, we broke up but remained close friends. I always knew that if I really needed something, he’d be there. It’s that kind of bond you can only have with someone who grew up with you and understands you. But over the college years, we grew apart mainly because of distance and finding our own lives outside of our hometown. In the process, we both found the real loves of our lives and then daily life takes over. Life is busy. It’s hard to maintain relationships- even when you live in the same town with people. But if you don’t live in the same place, it’s even harder.

Anyway, he’s getting married tomorrow to his beautiful fiance. Though she and I have never met, I’m sure she’s a really great person because my friend has great judge of character. I’ve tried many times to arrange get togethers when we’ve all been in my hometown for holidays, but it never worked out. Most likely partially due to that fact and partially because he and I once dated, I was not invited to their wedding. I completely understand the reasoning, and I’m sure I’d give a big HELL NO if my fiance wanted to invite an ex to our wedding, but nonetheless it makes me very sad. I wish I could be there and watch them get married. I wish all the awkwardness with this type of situation (which is unavoidable, I know) wouldn’t be a factor. I wish inviting them to Chris and my wedding wouldn’t be weird. Maybe I wish it was Chris and me getting married tomorrow. I wish a lot of things. What can I say? – I’m secretly an idealist.

When I was 15 or so, I used to joke with him that if he got married before me, I’d be like Julia Roberts in My Best Friend’s Wedding and try to sabotage it by any means I could. Alas, I won’t be doing that. Instead, I called him the other day and offered him some relaxing advice and then I gave him a heartfelt congratulations. I hope he knows I meant it.

Growing up is kinda crappy sometimes. You realize that no matter how much you want to hold on to certain friendships or relationships, you might not be able to anymore or you have to try to be more flexible and adapt them to your new life. Because that life thing continues to take over and slowly you realize that priorities change and loyalties lie elsewhere now. Change is good. I welcome change, though I do wish it were a little easier sometimes. For everyone.

(photo: movie still from My Best Friend’s Wedding)

You know that little girl running around your neighborhood who loves to play dress up in ridiculous costumes and play jewelry? That used to be me. I would run around in the most ridiculous outfits including my mother’s old high school prom dress that she sewed herself. I’d collect lilacs from my tree in the backyard or dandelions for my beautiful bouquets. I loved to pretend it was my wedding.

When I was about 6 or 7, there was a wedding going on down the street. I donned an old Cinderella costume from Halloween, pulled on my purple elbow length gloves, tiara, fake pearls, and ran down the block. With my little red wagon in tow filled with rocks, flowers, and other treasures, I begged the wedding party to let me be their flower girl. The bride was nice enough to come over to the little gypsy homeless looking girl me and tell me that she thought I looked very nice but sadly could not be in the wedding.

I have always dreamed about my own wedding. The dream has changed many times over the years and has slowly morphed into the vision that we are creating for January 1, 2011. One thing that hasn’t changed- my love for things that are entirely too expensive. To name one thing specifically, since I was old enough to know who she was, I have longed for a Vera Wang gown. Her gowns stand for everything that girls could ever want on their wedding day- timelessness, effortlessly chic, stunning, perfection, the list goes on. I had pretty much conceded on ever owning one and went ahead and bought my dress. And even though I love my dress, I had second thoughts. Even now, I love my dress but it’s not a Vera. Being incredibly stupid, I tried on a Vera dress yesterday. Made of some of the softest tulle you could ever imagine touching- it was stunning. I didn’t want to take it off. But with a price tag of $4500, it isn’t even close to a possibility. Even if I sold the dress I already have, it would barely make a dent in that price.

And now I’ve created a major dress dilemma. Nothing compares to a Vera Wang dress. They are special. You put it on and you can’t imagine wearing anything else. I would sleep in this dress. I’d wear it to the grocery store. I’d pull a Miss Havisham and just never take it off. I even tried to send a picture of the dress to my stepfather thinking he’d say something negative and I’d be able to let go of my dream dress with some dignity. Instead he came back with this- “that dress was made for you.” Then we had an exchange about how there’s no way I can afford it. I also can’t really justify spending that much on a dress I’ll wear once. But I can’t stop thinking about it. I dreamed of the Vera last night. I can’t stop thinking about how I felt in it. Every detail was flawless. It was as if Vera Wang herself had designed a one of a kind dress just for me. I would do anything for this dress.

Someone help me! Talk me out of this. Talk sense into me. It’s crazy and I clearly need some wedding dress therapy. But do both of us a favor and look at the dress… then try to talk me out of it. But I think just about anyone who understands and appreciates fashion will take my side on the matter.

“So… what part of the wedding do you care about the most, besides getting the privilege to marry me, of course?” I asked Chris soon after we got engaged.

“The food and the cake. I want to do a lot of tastings.”

This is pretty typical. All Chris can think about is food and of course the cake at our wedding is a top priority. It isn’t just the design that needs to wow, but the taste needs to be incredible otherwise it just won’t cut it. It was one of Chris’s only demands. Everything else I ask him, he generally just says yes or no. I’m happy he’s not a fussy groom. I’m fussy enough for the both of us. He also makes decisions a bit easier because he’s very quick to say yes or no. It’s a trait I admire and appreciate.

However, the cake has become somewhat of a topic. I’m all about the design and he’s all about the flavor, but it’s a bit soon for us to start doing tastings. So I guess we’ll just have to decide on design first.

I have compiled a handful of amazing cakes all taken from theknot.com. I have my own ideas on how I would change them a bit, as I’m sticking with my anemone flower love as a theme. These incredibly designed cakes are like works of art… works of art that I want to dive into head first. I’ve narrowed it down to these choices- any of which would make me drool all over my sweetheart table and my guests might actually have to fight me to get a piece.

Cake #1: I love the sleek design of this cake. Variations would be changing pink ribbon to black. change the orchids to white anemones.

Cake #2: I love the architecture style of this cake. Variations would be changing navy to black and all flowers to white anemones.

Cake #3: This is a great example of the anemone I mention. They are made out of sugarpaste and totally edible! Variations would be changing lavender to white and white dots to black.

Cake #4: I just like this cake. Retro and fun. I don’t have any variations because it’s so detailed as it is!

Cake #5: I love the sharp edges of the square layers. Variations would be making the branches dark silver and have fewer flowers which would again be white anemones.

Taste will just have to wait for later, but I’m leaning towards red velvet. Just so long as Chris signs off on it. We’ll have to wait a little longer to make that final choice. Which cake do you like the most?? I need all the help I can get!

(All cakes courtesy of theknot.com. Check them out for hundreds of cake ideas!)

So I bought my wedding dress 2 weeks ago. The day I bought it I was standing in the accessory room at Cincinnati Bridal and Formal with my future mother in law and sister in law. At that exact moment Chris called me with some mundane question about Coffeemate because he was at the grocery store and I couldn’t help but smile and turn beet red and tell him- “honey I’m standing in my dress! It’s perfect. I’m so excited.”

But for some reason, when I got home I was having second thoughts about my perfect dress. On top of my second guessing, I got a call from my stepsister 3 days later telling me that she too had purchased her dress. As she begins to describe it, my heart sinks a little- it’s kinda similar to mine. Ugh. As if I wasn’t already annoyed enough. So I started re-researching dresses. I called the owner if Cincinnati Bridal and Formal and told him my situation. He sympathized and offered to let me come in as soon as possible and he would allow me to put my deposit towards another dress. (Seriously he’s awesome and a savior.) So I made an appointment for a few days later and made the 2 hour drive back to Cinci from Columbus by myself. I needed to not have any other opinions cloud my judgement. I am easily persuaded and this is a HUGE decision that I needed to make for myself.

I tried on tons of other dresses. I was there for 3 hours trying on everything that was different that the dress I had bought. Including this beauty from Jasmine Couture-
I almost bought her. It was gorgeous and different and made my waist look teeny, which was very exciting. So, I told my very helpful dresser lady to wrap it up. I’d take it. But something wasn’t right. I asked her to hold a minute so I could put my original dress on one more time. As I slipped it on and she pulled and pinned it into place, I got those butterflies all over again. It was deep in my gut. I sat in my dress for a half hour, alone in a room. I emailed pictures to one of my bridesmaids and my stepfather, my mom was on the store’s web cam. I couldn’t make up my mind. I was trying to convince myself that the “new” dress was what I wanted… but it was wrong. I kept thinking about how excited I was when I spoke to Chris on the phone the first time I was in the shop. I could picture myself walking down the aisle towards him in that dress… not the new one. So I thanked the wonderful salespeople for all their help and patience, but I was sticking with MY dress.

The second dress is beautiful and even my mother and stepfather liked it better than my original dress but I knew and my closest friends knew that I was already done. Crisis solved. And I’m so proud of myself for making the decision on my own. Even with the not so wonderful circumstances… I chose what I wanted and that’s a HUGE step for me. And because of that… now there are no second thoughts.

Sorry I can’t show a picture of my actual dress. But if you want to email me, I’m happy to send a little preview!

I suck at being on time. Ever since the move, my commute has more than doubled. Any normal person would probably then make sure they get in their car an extra twenty minutes to make up for that extra bit. But not this punctuality challenged twenty-something. Well that’s not exactly true. I try. I really do. But no matter what I do, I can’t seem to get my ass in gear. I get up early enough- it’s not the sleep that I need. I’m the oldest young person you’ll ever know crawling her ass into bed at 9:30. I get up and have some breakfast, a cup of coffee and turn on the TV. No, I’m not filling my morning with the News about the ever shit-canned economy and job losses or the serial rapist who’s torturing young women all around Columbus- I don’t like to start my morning with things that make me want to cry. Instead, I turn on some trashy reality TV that makes Boyfriend cringe with disgust but makes me feel a little happier when I can say, “well no matter how bad things get for me, at least I’m not some washed up porn star trying her hand at “Charm School” and the only claim to fame I have is trying to screw a washed up 80′s hair band member who’s double my age” or “Wow Spencer is such an asshole, why is Heidi still with him??!! Why is Audrina still talking to them?? The world would be a better place if that cast of tramps just got hit by a bus.” Actually, now that I think about it I’m not sure if that last one makes me feel happier or sadder about my life that I care… food for thought, I guess? 

Anyway, herein lies the problem. I can’t turn it off. Once I start a show- I can’t get up until it’s over. I slowly wake up to this junk, I drink my coffee, and then ever so slowly I drag my ass to the shower. The rest of my morning is a blur of me running around as fast as I can while simultaneously debating whether I want to go the day without wearing makeup or if I’d rather go to work with wet hair. Oh, I might also mention that I do this with reruns of Saved by the Bell playing in the background. Yes, I’m serious. 

Then, as it always happens- when you’re already slightly behind schedule, everything else decides to fuck with you as much as possible. Your dog decides to piss on the carpet after you’ve already taken her out twice and she just stared at you. You get stuck behind a bus full of special needs kids. That barely running train decides to barrel through. The senior citizen in front of you slams on their brakes at every hint of a yellow light. And then of course- BOOM you’re officially charging to your desk 20 minutes late in heels that are NOT inconspicuous, trying to avoid your boss who is getting coffee in the cafe which is conveniently located 15 feet from your desk, turning on your computer and booting up your email to pretend like you’ve been there all morning and secretly rubbing your sprained ankle that you maintained while tripping up the stairs on your rhinoceros-like stampede into the office. 

Here Mr. Senior VP- let me mark that review sheet for you… the punctuality category… hmm… is there a box for “sucks?” Or maybe I should just cancel my DVR service?. (Today is the day that I wish I had Dingo-like photoshop capabilities because this post would make for a classic pic… maybe she’ll take a break from thesis writing and make one for me! haha!)