As much as I actually dislike the holidays, I really love a great Christmas/New Year engagement story. I love the winter and fires, stockings and confetti, lots of champagne… etc. So for all you men out there hoping to propose to your girlfriend this Christmas, I wish you good luck! I also come to you offering some advice. Christmas is a great day for proposals but you have to remember how your girlfriend feels. For me, Christmas is generally filled with stress and anxiety-filled family messes… if this is the same for your girlfriend, maybe plan a quiet time with just the two of you, alone, special and totally romantic. Take the stress away by reminding her that you’ll always be there for her and that you love her more than anything. She’ll be so happy she won’t remember any anxiety surrounding the crazy holidays. If your girlfriend is really close with her family and relishes in some attention and holiday joy, maybe plan a proposal on Christmas morning surrounded by her family. She’ll be so thrilled that her whole family got to be in on your special moment and you’ll have a great story for your many years together.

Another helpful tip and this goes for all proposals… not just ones around the holidays: always ask the family power figure for their blessing before you pop the question. I’m a big fan of this tradition. It’s not so much asking “permission” anymore as it is a nice gesture that shows your respect for her family and your desire to become a part of it. Your sincerity will be welcomed and you will most likely earn major brownie points from her family. (Chris had to ask 2 sets of parents, since mine are divorced. He even let my mom wear my ring because she loved it so much! And then he put up with my stepfather asking him about 10 times if he was “sure about this”… jokingly, of course. haha!)

The way you propose will say a lot about how well you know her and it will be the story she will tell hundreds of people. It will be one of the best moments of your life. Put some thought into your plan. Think about a few key points you’d like to tell her when you’re down on one knee… but don’t stress about memorizing a long speech. It’s really not about how much you say- it’s how you say it. And though you’ll be nervous, try to relax as much as you can. You’re about to embark on the best adventure of your life with the person you love more than anything.

I wish you good luck, congratulations, and happy holidays!!

(photo courtesy of Jazzlolo [Lauren Kennedy Photography] on FlickR)

I’ve been researching this topic quite a bit recently. It seems to be a hot button on many forums and wedding boards. So I thought it was worth a discussion here.

I polled my twitter friends and overwhemlingly the response came back that adult only receptions or weddings are a reasonable request with a few exceptions. Since this is a big and most likely expensive day, the couple is allowed to dictate a few things. This might be viewed as inconvenient or rude by others and that is something you’ll have to accept, should you decide to have an adult only reception.

You should expect to take some flack from family and friends with kids. However, if you want an adult only reception- which in my opinion is completely reasonable- here are my tips to ensure the least amount of complaints from your guests and therefore less stress for you-

• Pick an age limit- say 10 and under- and discuss with your fiance and parents that no children in that bracket will be invited. No exceptions.
• If a flower girl and/or ring bearer are in your party, consider only having them at the ceremony and not the reception. This backs up your “adult only” policy and will help your case that you are not picking and choosing specific children.
• Clearly communicate this via all wedding invites, info, etc. For example, address the invitations directly to the members of the family who are invited. You can also include the exact number of seats reserved for them on the RSVP card. I would also add a small blurb on your wedding website that says “Adult only” reception in your description. Feel free to see how I worded this request on our personal wedding website.
• Give a personal call to the guests who did not get the message from the invitation and RSVPed with their children anyway. Kindly apologize and explain that children cannot be accommodated. Feel free to throw in the phrase “due to budget” if you need a better excuse.
• Accept the fact that no matter how tactfully you ask, some people might be offended and not come. This is unfortunate but still a possibility and you have to be ready for it.
• Don’t feel guilty! Remember that your guests are not footing your bill nor will they be able to take back the actions of their children should they all of the sudden throw a tantrum in the middle of your vows, which is then captured on video for all eternity. If you want an adult only affair, stick to your guns and try not to feel guilty.
• Offer to hire a couple of babysitters at one of the wedding party hotels or suites, kind of like a temporary daycare for the evening. You can cover an up-front fee for the sitters and then the parents can pay the sitter’s hourly rate per child. This way you look helpful and thoughtful for your guests and less like the child-hating bridezilla.
• For the guests- try to be understanding of the couple’s request. It is not a personal attack against you or your children. The couple just chooses to celebrate with the people who really “get” what the day is about or maybe they truly can’t afford to accommodate everyone’s children which can amount to big numbers.

Personally, I’m having an adult only wedding. No flower girl, no ring bearer. No kids whatsoever at the ceremony or reception. And since we have many family members with babies and young children, I accept that this will probably be viewed by some as a nuisance. To them and all others who feel this way, I apologize.

Just call me child-hating bridezilla.

PS- This picture totally creeps me out-

About a year ago I mentioned how bummed I was about finding out via Facebook how one of my best friends got engaged. I was and am happy for him, but I was sad that he didn’t tell me himself. (Since that post, we have reconciled from our falling out and are now on good terms.) I’ve known the guy since I was 9 and we dated for about a year when we were in high school. My first “real” love, he went off to college, we broke up but remained close friends. I always knew that if I really needed something, he’d be there. It’s that kind of bond you can only have with someone who grew up with you and understands you. But over the college years, we grew apart mainly because of distance and finding our own lives outside of our hometown. In the process, we both found the real loves of our lives and then daily life takes over. Life is busy. It’s hard to maintain relationships- even when you live in the same town with people. But if you don’t live in the same place, it’s even harder.

Anyway, he’s getting married tomorrow to his beautiful fiance. Though she and I have never met, I’m sure she’s a really great person because my friend has great judge of character. I’ve tried many times to arrange get togethers when we’ve all been in my hometown for holidays, but it never worked out. Most likely partially due to that fact and partially because he and I once dated, I was not invited to their wedding. I completely understand the reasoning, and I’m sure I’d give a big HELL NO if my fiance wanted to invite an ex to our wedding, but nonetheless it makes me very sad. I wish I could be there and watch them get married. I wish all the awkwardness with this type of situation (which is unavoidable, I know) wouldn’t be a factor. I wish inviting them to Chris and my wedding wouldn’t be weird. Maybe I wish it was Chris and me getting married tomorrow. I wish a lot of things. What can I say? – I’m secretly an idealist.

When I was 15 or so, I used to joke with him that if he got married before me, I’d be like Julia Roberts in My Best Friend’s Wedding and try to sabotage it by any means I could. Alas, I won’t be doing that. Instead, I called him the other day and offered him some relaxing advice and then I gave him a heartfelt congratulations. I hope he knows I meant it.

Growing up is kinda crappy sometimes. You realize that no matter how much you want to hold on to certain friendships or relationships, you might not be able to anymore or you have to try to be more flexible and adapt them to your new life. Because that life thing continues to take over and slowly you realize that priorities change and loyalties lie elsewhere now. Change is good. I welcome change, though I do wish it were a little easier sometimes. For everyone.

(photo: movie still from My Best Friend’s Wedding)

Chris and I don’t have all that much in common. We have similar minds, in that we think alike, but as for hobbies we are polar opposites. We both know it and sometimes it can take its toll on our relationship. I feel that separate hobbies are nice and even necessary to maintain some semblance of self and individualism in close relationships like marriage. But doing everything separate doesn’t always make for the easiest of paths because sometimes you want your partner to take part in the things you love.

For example, Chris loves motorcycles. Therefore, 2 years ago, when he moved to Columbus to be with me, he bought me my own hot pink and black sparkly motorcycle helmet so I can go on rides with him. I love wearing that helmet and it makes me excited to participate in one of his favorite hobbies. On the flip side, I love animals. Therefore, Chris bought me a second dog as a surprise for Christmas and puts up with the messes my pets make on a daily basis. But, sometimes these small interests in each other’s hobbies aren’t enough.

Recently we made a promise to each other to find the things that we both enjoy doing and make more time to do them together. One of the things we love to do the most is cook. Hence, our new ‘Cooking Sunday.’ Not a very creative name I know, but we have a blast. We base our meals on things we haven’t tried before, vegetables we’ve grown in our garden, ingredients we find at Farmer’s Markets, etc. We even ride bikes to the Farmer’s Market in town to find stuff. After a month, here is a short list of things we’ve made:

-Homemade pasta and sauce- tomatoes and veggies grown in garden
-Apple and Jalepeno jelly- the apples were picked at an orchard and the jalepenos grown in our garden
-Pesto made from basil grown in our garden
-Applesauce from our day at the orchard apple picking
-Roasted chicken with veggies and Caprese salad
-Zucchini bread for ourselves and all our neighbors
-Summer squash soup
I’m happy to give recipes if anyone is interested in trying any of this stuff. Everything we’ve made thus far has been completely delicious!

I’m also learning to love new things that I never would have done before. I love to go camping, which is something I never did until I met Chris. We also found we love to kayak and we’re hoping to buy our own in the next year. Rock climbing is also a fun activity to do together. If you’re feeling adventurous, try taking a weekend road trip together to somewhere you’ve never been.

It’s also nice to just go on dates together. A fun dinner or happy hour always puts me in a good mood. I feel proud to sit across from my fiance, share my thoughts with him, listen to what he has to say and spend time with him. Apple, berry, or pumpkin picking makes for a more relaxing and cute date. Wine tasting is another love of ours… gee I wonder why?

Doing these things have created a new playfulness to our relationship. Trying them together has brought us much closer. Even if the activity turns out to be lame, you bond because you can laugh about it afterwards. If it’s fun, then you have something new to spice up boring days.

What are some things you and your significant other like to do together? Try anything fun lately?

You have many options when it comes to buying your special white dress. No matter what your style,budget, or time frame, you have plenty of places you can go searching. Narrow down the styles you like by checking out places like theknot.com or bridal magazines and know what you like before you go in. Also know that what you like might not be the best for your body type, so you need to have an open mind. Now that you have your style down, where do you go next? Should you go to a bridal salon, vintage shop, online, or off the rack store? Well here is a basic rundown of the differences and what to expect from each kind of place. 

Bridal Salon- Can be specific to one designer or a few select designers. You can expect to get one on one attention with consultants that can help you choose additional styles that you might not have even considered. If you go to a larger salon such as Kleinfeld or Bridal and Formal, they have trunk shows with specific designers or certain weekends where you can even get one on one time with the actual designer and even get discounts. Usually you’ll need to wait to have your dress ordered which can take anywhere from 4-8 months to come in or sometimes you can pay a rush fee if you need it faster. Often they will offer discounts on accessories you buy from them as well. 

Vintage Shop- If you want a one of a kind vintage look, this could be the way to go. But since there is a limited selection, what you see is what you get. They most likely won’t offer your dress in a variety of sizes. You can always do alterations and add or remove things as you see fit but sizing will be difficult. Price-wise it can go either way. Sometimes you can find an amazing deal and walk off with your dream dress for $250 or you can spend $3,000 for the vintage lace and antique detailing. You can also expect to pay a pretty penny for alterations to ensure that your dress fits you like a glove. 

Online- This one is tricky. A lot of online distributors sell knock offs or replicas of designer dresses. But BEWARE. Look for “Certified Distibutor” badges on their homepages. It might appear as though you’re getting an amazing deal from an online store, however many times people get ripped off with dresses of inferior fabric, fit, and noticeable flaws. You can look try places like Weddingbee.com where they have forums in your city and you might be able to find someone selling their old dress. A dress worn once and you can end up with an incredibly expensive dress for a fraction of the original cost. Also note, sizing can be off as dresses have already been altered for the first bride or on some sites they aren’t true to their sizing guide. You have been warned.

Off the Rack- They have a wide selection for all shapes and sizes and they carry them in the store. So instead of trying to squeeze into a sample size and get an idea of what it might look like, you can actually try on the dress in your size and even take it home that day. The downside is that your dress won’t be anywhere near one of a kind. It’s mass produced and not always of the most luxurious fabric but they are often a pretty great price. You can also get discounts on jewelry and accessories for your day, as well as on your bridesmaids dresses. Many times stores like this have big sale days like the $99 sale at David’s Bridal, where many dress prices are greatly reduced by hundreds of dollars. 

Good luck and happy shopping. Also remember to have fun! This is your special, once in a lifetime dress. It should make you feel amazing and excited. I bought my dress when I could say in my head, this is THE dress that I see myself walking down the aisle in towards my amazing fiance. And don’t feel pressured to buy anything even if you’re in love with it. You should feel 100% confident in your decision and your consultant should not make you feel rushed. Take your time and enjoy! You’re getting married!