I’ve been researching this topic quite a bit recently. It seems to be a hot button on many forums and wedding boards. So I thought it was worth a discussion here.

I polled my twitter friends and overwhemlingly the response came back that adult only receptions or weddings are a reasonable request with a few exceptions. Since this is a big and most likely expensive day, the couple is allowed to dictate a few things. This might be viewed as inconvenient or rude by others and that is something you’ll have to accept, should you decide to have an adult only reception.

You should expect to take some flack from family and friends with kids. However, if you want an adult only reception- which in my opinion is completely reasonable- here are my tips to ensure the least amount of complaints from your guests and therefore less stress for you-

• Pick an age limit- say 10 and under- and discuss with your fiance and parents that no children in that bracket will be invited. No exceptions.
• If a flower girl and/or ring bearer are in your party, consider only having them at the ceremony and not the reception. This backs up your “adult only” policy and will help your case that you are not picking and choosing specific children.
• Clearly communicate this via all wedding invites, info, etc. For example, address the invitations directly to the members of the family who are invited. You can also include the exact number of seats reserved for them on the RSVP card. I would also add a small blurb on your wedding website that says “Adult only” reception in your description. Feel free to see how I worded this request on our personal wedding website.
• Give a personal call to the guests who did not get the message from the invitation and RSVPed with their children anyway. Kindly apologize and explain that children cannot be accommodated. Feel free to throw in the phrase “due to budget” if you need a better excuse.
• Accept the fact that no matter how tactfully you ask, some people might be offended and not come. This is unfortunate but still a possibility and you have to be ready for it.
• Don’t feel guilty! Remember that your guests are not footing your bill nor will they be able to take back the actions of their children should they all of the sudden throw a tantrum in the middle of your vows, which is then captured on video for all eternity. If you want an adult only affair, stick to your guns and try not to feel guilty.
• Offer to hire a couple of babysitters at one of the wedding party hotels or suites, kind of like a temporary daycare for the evening. You can cover an up-front fee for the sitters and then the parents can pay the sitter’s hourly rate per child. This way you look helpful and thoughtful for your guests and less like the child-hating bridezilla.
• For the guests- try to be understanding of the couple’s request. It is not a personal attack against you or your children. The couple just chooses to celebrate with the people who really “get” what the day is about or maybe they truly can’t afford to accommodate everyone’s children which can amount to big numbers.

Personally, I’m having an adult only wedding. No flower girl, no ring bearer. No kids whatsoever at the ceremony or reception. And since we have many family members with babies and young children, I accept that this will probably be viewed by some as a nuisance. To them and all others who feel this way, I apologize.

Just call me child-hating bridezilla.

PS- This picture totally creeps me out-

Sorry for the brief hiatus! I have been incredibly busy starting a new freelance job where I’m working full time hours. Anyway-

The other day I came across this article on Mashable.com and I was inspired. The writer describes how his social media geekness is guiding his wedding planning with his fiance. He’s found ways to incorporate Twitter, Amazon.com, and a whole host of other social media applications to make wedding planning into a virtual snap.

Now doing everything that he mentions seems intense, unless you want your wedding theme to be “I spend entirely too much time on the internet.” However, there are a bunch of things he does mention that can make your planning a lot easier and more efficient. Some of the websites he name checks are even things I’ve mentioned before. Here are a few more of my favorites from the article-

I love Etsy for jewelry and other customized wedding details. I also love supporting these vendors who offer personalized services and they have an entire category for wedding vendors and products. I got my amazing hairpiece from there and you can find veils, invitations, jewelry, shrugs or cover-ups, purses, shoes, even wedding dresses. Seriously, check it out.

Whether you like social media or not, I highly recommend setting up a wedding website. If you’re social media savvy, try a Facebook event page or blog to help keep people updated. You can find free wedding websites at WeddingChannel.com, TheKnot.com, or WeddingWire.com. All offer free applications where you choose your theme, pages, and fill in information for your guests. I am using The Knot’s software because it was the only one I knew at the time when I set it up about a week after getting engaged even though I had nothing to write on it yet! I bought a custom domain to forward to the actual page, but other sites already offer custom domain options. Our wedding web-page is located at www.chrisandmegswedding.com. Feel free to sign our guestbook! The wedding website is also the perfectly acceptable place to tell people where you are registered since you never EVER mention that on invitations. However, you can put your URL in small print at the bottom of your invitation, indirectly pointing them to the information.

I recently joined Wedding Wire, which is my new obsession. Their budget sheet is incredibly helpful and allows you to enter the dates of all your payments that need to be made to your specific vendors. They also help show you how to break down your total budget number so you can see generally what you should be spending on each item. They also have lists of local vendors complete with reviews, websites, and ways to save your favorites so you don’t forget later. Once you’ve chosen a specific vendor you add it to your list for easy access. You can download the Wedding Wire app to your phone so your vital wedding information is always with you. Convenient much? Yeah, exactly.

My favorite advice from the Mashable article was about the wedding registry. You can use Amazon.com to create a universal registry where you can register for gifts from hundreds of places as opposed to the entire kitchen department at Bed, Bath & Beyond. MyRegistry.com is another place that does that same thing. MyRegistry is my favorite pick because you can also request cash gifts for those bigger items you might really need without looking tacky. Then apply the cash towards that new couch you want or an expensive set of cookware. (I’m currently coveting a very expensive Dyson Vacuum cleaner.) However, you also have to remember that older friends and relatives might not love or understand the shopping online thing, so having at least one traditional registry would do you good.

My own personal addition to this social media wedding frenzy is for the people who can’t make it- you can use Skype or IdoStream.com to broadcast your wedding to those out-of-towners who can’t be there on your day. They can watch everything and still feel like they are a part of your day! You can find some free applications or pay a fee for better quality.

I totally recommend reading the whole article for even more tips and sites. There’s even a website to find custom color schemes developed by designers. Which applications or sites would you consider using and why?

I had asked a friend of mine since my freshman year of college to be a bridesmaid in my wedding. She has known Chris and me for almost our whole relationship and has been very supportive of the ups and downs that came with it. I appreciated that in her but I’ve recently noticed some tension bubbling between us for awhile. Every time a little disagreement happened, it would get completely blown out of proportion and end up with us not speaking for a couple weeks. Petty arguments are not my thing. I’m a very direct person so I like to address things, resolve them and be done with them. I’ve learned that most disagreements are easy to forgive and forget when it comes to people who matter- but that theory has to go for both people. One person can’t always be playing peacemaker.

Wedding planning is stressful and hard. If fights start to happen with bridesmaids it can cause a friction that’s so horrible for the bride that it can be even more stressful than the wedding itself. This should not be happening. Your bridesmaids are your people who will be there to calm you down, take your stress away, and if necessary run interference between your future mother in law that drives you crazy or your drunk uncles groping guests. They are your go-to girls for whatever you need. They should NOT be bitching about the how inconvenienced they are, complaining about how horrible their dress is, or generally making you want to tear your hair out. If a bridesmaid starts to become a topic of vent sessions… it’s time to do something about it.

Demoting a bridesmaid sucks. It’s uncomfortable and weird, but sometimes it’s necessary to maintain your sanity and you shouldn’t feel badly about it. However, you should take the time to consider what you are about to do. Ask yourself a few questions-
1. Is an uncomfortable 5 minutes of asking them to step down, worth the relief of not having to deal with the person anymore?
2. Has your bridesmaid become a sore subject or topic of stress during your wedding planning?
3. Does your bridesmaid have the potential to ruin your day due to personal mini-dramas or problems because she won’t be able to put it aside for a few hours?

If your answer is yes to any or all of these questions, then you should consider asking your bridesmaid to step down or at least have a serious conversation about your worries and frustrations. If your bad seed bridesmaid cares enough, she will apologize and vow to change her attitude for your day. If she doesn’t and instead tries to argue with you, it’s time to pull the plug.

This is what happened in my case. Another argument ensued, after which I was completely reassured that I made the right decision. I am not a bridezilla and if this happens to you, you aren’t either! You deserve a perfect day and nothing should compromise that.

(book cover photo courtesy of “Bad Bridesmaid” by Siri Agrell)

You know that little girl running around your neighborhood who loves to play dress up in ridiculous costumes and play jewelry? That used to be me. I would run around in the most ridiculous outfits including my mother’s old high school prom dress that she sewed herself. I’d collect lilacs from my tree in the backyard or dandelions for my beautiful bouquets. I loved to pretend it was my wedding.

When I was about 6 or 7, there was a wedding going on down the street. I donned an old Cinderella costume from Halloween, pulled on my purple elbow length gloves, tiara, fake pearls, and ran down the block. With my little red wagon in tow filled with rocks, flowers, and other treasures, I begged the wedding party to let me be their flower girl. The bride was nice enough to come over to the little gypsy homeless looking girl me and tell me that she thought I looked very nice but sadly could not be in the wedding.

I have always dreamed about my own wedding. The dream has changed many times over the years and has slowly morphed into the vision that we are creating for January 1, 2011. One thing that hasn’t changed- my love for things that are entirely too expensive. To name one thing specifically, since I was old enough to know who she was, I have longed for a Vera Wang gown. Her gowns stand for everything that girls could ever want on their wedding day- timelessness, effortlessly chic, stunning, perfection, the list goes on. I had pretty much conceded on ever owning one and went ahead and bought my dress. And even though I love my dress, I had second thoughts. Even now, I love my dress but it’s not a Vera. Being incredibly stupid, I tried on a Vera dress yesterday. Made of some of the softest tulle you could ever imagine touching- it was stunning. I didn’t want to take it off. But with a price tag of $4500, it isn’t even close to a possibility. Even if I sold the dress I already have, it would barely make a dent in that price.

And now I’ve created a major dress dilemma. Nothing compares to a Vera Wang dress. They are special. You put it on and you can’t imagine wearing anything else. I would sleep in this dress. I’d wear it to the grocery store. I’d pull a Miss Havisham and just never take it off. I even tried to send a picture of the dress to my stepfather thinking he’d say something negative and I’d be able to let go of my dream dress with some dignity. Instead he came back with this- “that dress was made for you.” Then we had an exchange about how there’s no way I can afford it. I also can’t really justify spending that much on a dress I’ll wear once. But I can’t stop thinking about it. I dreamed of the Vera last night. I can’t stop thinking about how I felt in it. Every detail was flawless. It was as if Vera Wang herself had designed a one of a kind dress just for me. I would do anything for this dress.

Someone help me! Talk me out of this. Talk sense into me. It’s crazy and I clearly need some wedding dress therapy. But do both of us a favor and look at the dress… then try to talk me out of it. But I think just about anyone who understands and appreciates fashion will take my side on the matter.

Enter Two Birds Bridesmaid. A killer bridesmaid dress you can wear over 10 different ways and if you get creative, there are definitely many more options as well. It comes in a variety of colors of jersey knit so it’s lightweight and fits many occasions formal or casual. You can tailor this dress to whatever style you are going for in your wedding. You can have the consistency you want for your wedding party while still allowing your girls to have their own individual styles. The best part is that this dress can be worn long after their duties as a bridesmaid have ended. No matter what the color, this is a dress anyone can wear for just about anything… just don’t pair it with dyed to match shoes- yuck!

Another great plus about this dress is that it’s one size fits most. No alterations necessary. The first size fits sizes 0-16, because you twist the straps and tie them as tight as you need them to be. How great is it to know that if you gain a few pounds, you still have a dress that will still fit and look fabulous? If you’re larger than a size 16, Two Birds now offers a plus size option as well. If you want to cover up a bit more, they also offer matching color bandeau tops to wear underneath the dress.

The only downside of this dress is the cost. For the short version, the Two Birds Bridesmaid dress will set you back $270 and for the long version $290. If you want a bandeau, that will also cost you. The designer will even make this dress for you in a custom color, if what you are looking for isn’t available. But again, it will cost you extra. I feel this is a bit steep to make your bridesmaids pay for a dress, however the versatility of this dress might make it worth the price. Ask your bridesmaids what they think. They might be willing to shell out a little extra for a dress they will actually wear again instead of a cheaper dress that will end up in the GoodWill pile immediately following the wedding.

Yes… every picture you see is the exact same dress. Want your girls to cover up for the ceremony? Try this first option with cap sleeves. Then afterwards, let your girls kick back for the reception into something a little sexier by twisting and wrapping to make their own individual styles.

Check out more ways to wear the dress, as well as a How To Guide on the Two Birds website. You can also become a fan of them on Facebook and see real life testimonials of brides and bridesmaids who loved their dresses.