So if you know me at all or follow me on twitter, you’re probably aware that I have been laid off for the better part of a year. I was let go from my job last year during this lovely economy and struggled to find something new. Finally I have landed a new gig that promises to be challenging, fun, creative, and incredibly rewarding. I am the new Web Content Producer at ThisWeek Community Media. I’m on my second week and already my head is spinning with possibilities and new information! I love what I’m learning and all the people I work with. This job is exactly what I needed and have been hoping for. I’m so excited to do the things I love everyday as a career.

I also just turned 25 on February 3rd. I’ve heard turning 25 scares a lot of people but this was a birthday I was ready to embrace. It was a quiet and contemplative day and I tried to reflect on what I learned in the last year. This has been a year of exciting events as well as complicated challenges. But overall it was a year of growth in all areas of my life and I am extremely grateful for it. I have wonderful people in my life and overall I am the happiest I’ve ever been. My mind has been opened to possibilities and opportunities that I never thought possible both personally and professionally. I’ve made some great new friends and have been overwhelmed by the community support and encouragement I’ve received from people I’ve never even met. (Twitter rocks!) I’ve gotten rid of some toxic friends and improved my other relationships with those amazing, one of a kind type friends. (Marissa and Miranda- I’m talking about you!) I also feel that my relationship with my sister has grown stronger over the last year and I’m so lucky to have her there for me. But most of all I’m so excited to marry my best friend and love of my life. Chris impresses, amazes, and infatuates me every day and I truly can’t believe I will get to spend the rest of my life with him.

Not to mention that having this new job also makes wedding planning a little easier considering I will actually be able to contribute to our budget. I feel strongly that all couples should contribute something to their wedding budget and I was worried that I might not have been able to. Planning a wedding is really stressful and this new job actually takes some of that stress off of me. (Yeah- a job that takes stress away- how cool is that?)

I wanted to take a little time as well to thank you. I have a wonderful loyal readership and the people who send me emails and ask questions and tweet me are some of the most genuine, awesome people I’ve meet over the last year. Especially you Columbus peeps and the people who helped encourage me to never give up over this tough year. I have found support in people I’ve never met (and some I have briefly) and yet you have been so kind and helpful to me. When I announced I’d finally landed this new job, the flood of congratulations and well wishes I received was overwhelming. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate it.

Seriously- thank you.

I’ve been researching this topic quite a bit recently. It seems to be a hot button on many forums and wedding boards. So I thought it was worth a discussion here.

I polled my twitter friends and overwhemlingly the response came back that adult only receptions or weddings are a reasonable request with a few exceptions. Since this is a big and most likely expensive day, the couple is allowed to dictate a few things. This might be viewed as inconvenient or rude by others and that is something you’ll have to accept, should you decide to have an adult only reception.

You should expect to take some flack from family and friends with kids. However, if you want an adult only reception- which in my opinion is completely reasonable- here are my tips to ensure the least amount of complaints from your guests and therefore less stress for you-

• Pick an age limit- say 10 and under- and discuss with your fiance and parents that no children in that bracket will be invited. No exceptions.
• If a flower girl and/or ring bearer are in your party, consider only having them at the ceremony and not the reception. This backs up your “adult only” policy and will help your case that you are not picking and choosing specific children.
• Clearly communicate this via all wedding invites, info, etc. For example, address the invitations directly to the members of the family who are invited. You can also include the exact number of seats reserved for them on the RSVP card. I would also add a small blurb on your wedding website that says “Adult only” reception in your description. Feel free to see how I worded this request on our personal wedding website.
• Give a personal call to the guests who did not get the message from the invitation and RSVPed with their children anyway. Kindly apologize and explain that children cannot be accommodated. Feel free to throw in the phrase “due to budget” if you need a better excuse.
• Accept the fact that no matter how tactfully you ask, some people might be offended and not come. This is unfortunate but still a possibility and you have to be ready for it.
• Don’t feel guilty! Remember that your guests are not footing your bill nor will they be able to take back the actions of their children should they all of the sudden throw a tantrum in the middle of your vows, which is then captured on video for all eternity. If you want an adult only affair, stick to your guns and try not to feel guilty.
• Offer to hire a couple of babysitters at one of the wedding party hotels or suites, kind of like a temporary daycare for the evening. You can cover an up-front fee for the sitters and then the parents can pay the sitter’s hourly rate per child. This way you look helpful and thoughtful for your guests and less like the child-hating bridezilla.
• For the guests- try to be understanding of the couple’s request. It is not a personal attack against you or your children. The couple just chooses to celebrate with the people who really “get” what the day is about or maybe they truly can’t afford to accommodate everyone’s children which can amount to big numbers.

Personally, I’m having an adult only wedding. No flower girl, no ring bearer. No kids whatsoever at the ceremony or reception. And since we have many family members with babies and young children, I accept that this will probably be viewed by some as a nuisance. To them and all others who feel this way, I apologize.

Just call me child-hating bridezilla.

PS- This picture totally creeps me out-

About a year ago I mentioned how bummed I was about finding out via Facebook how one of my best friends got engaged. I was and am happy for him, but I was sad that he didn’t tell me himself. (Since that post, we have reconciled from our falling out and are now on good terms.) I’ve known the guy since I was 9 and we dated for about a year when we were in high school. My first “real” love, he went off to college, we broke up but remained close friends. I always knew that if I really needed something, he’d be there. It’s that kind of bond you can only have with someone who grew up with you and understands you. But over the college years, we grew apart mainly because of distance and finding our own lives outside of our hometown. In the process, we both found the real loves of our lives and then daily life takes over. Life is busy. It’s hard to maintain relationships- even when you live in the same town with people. But if you don’t live in the same place, it’s even harder.

Anyway, he’s getting married tomorrow to his beautiful fiance. Though she and I have never met, I’m sure she’s a really great person because my friend has great judge of character. I’ve tried many times to arrange get togethers when we’ve all been in my hometown for holidays, but it never worked out. Most likely partially due to that fact and partially because he and I once dated, I was not invited to their wedding. I completely understand the reasoning, and I’m sure I’d give a big HELL NO if my fiance wanted to invite an ex to our wedding, but nonetheless it makes me very sad. I wish I could be there and watch them get married. I wish all the awkwardness with this type of situation (which is unavoidable, I know) wouldn’t be a factor. I wish inviting them to Chris and my wedding wouldn’t be weird. Maybe I wish it was Chris and me getting married tomorrow. I wish a lot of things. What can I say? – I’m secretly an idealist.

When I was 15 or so, I used to joke with him that if he got married before me, I’d be like Julia Roberts in My Best Friend’s Wedding and try to sabotage it by any means I could. Alas, I won’t be doing that. Instead, I called him the other day and offered him some relaxing advice and then I gave him a heartfelt congratulations. I hope he knows I meant it.

Growing up is kinda crappy sometimes. You realize that no matter how much you want to hold on to certain friendships or relationships, you might not be able to anymore or you have to try to be more flexible and adapt them to your new life. Because that life thing continues to take over and slowly you realize that priorities change and loyalties lie elsewhere now. Change is good. I welcome change, though I do wish it were a little easier sometimes. For everyone.

(photo: movie still from My Best Friend’s Wedding)

I’ve always been self conscious about my weight.

Even in high school, when I weighed a whopping 117 lbs. I felt fat. I contribute this terrible body image mostly on growing up as a competition gymnast and the immense pressure to be a waif and partially on my parents constant focus on their own weights while I was a kid. I’m also highly susceptible to the celebrity stories and other media propaganda surrounding weight losses and gains. I’ve been hyper-aware of weight my whole life.

The problem is when I do gain a bit and don’t feel very good about myself, I get so down that I’m defeated before I even start to do anything about it. And then, I try to ignore it. I know I still look ok and therefore just try to forget about it until another 5lbs is gained. You have just been given a glimpse into the vicious cycle of a classic self defeatist.

I know I’m not alone and in that I take great comfort. But here’s where I need some help. With a wedding looming, I need to get healthier. I want the obvious bridal benefit of walking down that aisle feeling like my best and most beautiful self, but I also want the benefit of knowing that I am capable of breaking my terrible cycle. I think our wedding is the perfect time to start a whole new outlook on life. I’m making a commitment to Chris to be a loyal, kind, and faithful wife and I want to make an equal commitment to myself to be a better, healthier, and stronger person both mentally and physically. The help I need from my wonderful readers and friends is the encouragement to help me get through my self defeatism. This kind of stuff runs deep people- really deep. So I need all the help I can get.

I’m beginning my wedding commitment today with a long bike ride and following up with a walk with my dogs. I’ve also joined SparkPeople.com for some tips and camaraderie. Slowly, I will build up to the level I want to be but I don’t want to make any large goals for myself just yet. I’m too scared if I don’t accomplish my goal, I’ll feel like a failure. I’m a little too fragile for an actual failure at the moment, so I’m trying for a gradual, overall lifestyle change.

Please wish me luck and encouragement!!

For all you people who want to join me here are some great websites you can check out:

SparkPeople.com- get an account and you can join a community that will help you set goals and talk to others in your same situation. They also give you recipes and tips to keep on track. It’s an incredible source of information for people trying live healthier and/or lose some weight. It’s easy and everything you need is online. It’s also FREE!!

Weight Watchers- I’ve never done this myself but I’ve heard testimonies from others that swear by Weight Watchers. With the weigh ins and meetings, you find people who feel the same way and don’t look down on you for your weight. You can eat whatever you want while staying in your overall points value for the day. You pay for membership but from what I heard it’s well worth it.

Flat Belly Diet- Sounds like a fad but I’ve seen it work for my future mother in law. It’s a bit tougher to follow since it requires more specific foods to eat, but it does actually work. It’s not really a fad because it is about eating healthier foods such as unrefined, wholesome foods, vegetables, fruits, nuts, and whole grains. Pretty much the basis of all good diets. You can buy the book here.

What do you do when you feel like you’re forced into competition with someone that you have zero interest in competing with? I’ll tell you what I do- I get pissed and then I realize that it’s completely not worth my energy and then I say fuck it. Why would I want to bother trying to scamper to the cheese that I’m being baited with? I’m being tested on purpose and I don’t like it. 

I do want to prove myself. But I don’t want to feel like I have to fight for it. I feel like there’s always a fight and it’s exhausting. If that’s how you get ahead then I don’t know how much I want it anymore. 

So is it healthy competition or do I just say fuck it? Personally I’m leaning towards the latter as I start to notice a theme…