What do you do when you feel like you’re forced into competition with someone that you have zero interest in competing with? I’ll tell you what I do- I get pissed and then I realize that it’s completely not worth my energy and then I say fuck it. Why would I want to bother trying to scamper to the cheese that I’m being baited with? I’m being tested on purpose and I don’t like it. 

I do want to prove myself. But I don’t want to feel like I have to fight for it. I feel like there’s always a fight and it’s exhausting. If that’s how you get ahead then I don’t know how much I want it anymore. 

So is it healthy competition or do I just say fuck it? Personally I’m leaning towards the latter as I start to notice a theme…

My apologies for such a long absence! I know you’ve all been waiting with bated breath. So here’s the quick recap… 

1. We moved!! Finally in the house. It’s amazing. Quiet. Our neighbors are incredibly nice and have all introduced themselves. There are many dogs for Peeing Dog to play with and she’s loving the free reign of so many square feet. And shockingly- she’s only peed once in the house and it was in the basement. So finally, we’re making progress! My commute to work sucks, but it’s totally worth it. Now if only I could get my routine down and get there on time! 

2. Sister got married!!! It was gorgeous and beautiful. I got very emotional in my speech and missed half of the things I wanted to say… but overall I was happy with it. I got to play their song, that she didn’t even know I knew and I think it was a nice surprise. Matron of Honor and I had quite a few drinks and at one point I *might* have put on Sister’s veil and ran around in that. Those pictures are going to be blackmail worthy. Luckily Boyfriend was sober and drove me home and he did an excellent job of pulling over so I could up-chuck. It was not pretty. 

3. I’ve been following politics pretty closely. Currently I’m watching the debate. I am still trying to formulate a well put together thought about my attack on Sarah Palin. But in the meantime I’ve devised a new drinking game- everytime Palin says “Alaska,” “hockey mom,” “Joe Six-pack,” or “you betcha”- take a shot! Great idea? I thought so. 

4. I’m crazy busy at work. I’m making a lot of headway on my To Do list and I feel great about it. I’m trying to step up in areas that I normally wouldn’t feel comfortable. I’m trying to voice up more in solution oriented things and I think I’m drawing some good attention for it. 

5. Boyfriend and I are doing wonderfully. It’s those stupid silly times that I see the little things he does for me all the time and I find myself looking at him and feeling so incredibly happy. Sometimes I find myself getting those warm fuzzy feelings all over again. 

6. I have missed my blog and all my bloggy friends!!!! Now I’m going to go check in on all of them andleave some comments! 

I’m giving out a final shout out again to ALL the awesome peeps at CEB in Washington, DC. I missed a few people the first time around and I don’t want to leave anyone out! Thanks for reading and make sure to leave some comments! A special shout out to L- the owner of the veil mentioned above for seeing my joy in running around in it and actually giving it to me! hahahaha. That was pretty great. I think Sister still has it for now. And another shout out to A who finished a triathlon and I am seriously impressed by. 

I’ll get back to a bit more serious blogging soon. I have plenty more blunders to share. What have you all been up to? Any good Sarah Palin jokes? 

Ever since the purchase of the house, 9 out of 10 people’s responses have been: “wow that’s a big step!… so when are you getting married?” To which I scrunch my face and answer, “ummm… when I’m asked?” Apparently it’s my Scarlet U- for Unmarried. 

Why is there an order for everything? Why is it that there needs to be the marriage to have the house and then the babies to be considered acceptable? I don’t understand. Is it that “carrying the virginal bride into the new threshold” thing? I just want to be happy. And I am! I’m excited for a house. I’m excited to paint and have a garden and put in a fence and beg boyfriend for second dog. I’m excited to not live in an apartment and come home to something that is mine. (Even if it isn’t mine per se since I had 0 financial contribution to it but anyway). I’m excited to decorate a place that I’m not going to move out of in a year. Like I said, I’m just happy.

But sometimes I wonder if it makes me look bad in front of the more conservative crowds? Do they look down on me for my crazy liberal living in sin? And what’s funny, is that for a person who cares entirely too much about what people think, I surprised myself when I realized… I don’t give a shit!! Any of those people who are poo-pooing me for my choice to be happy can go suck it. I’ve spent a lot of my life trying to make everyone else happy and for once, I’m starting to see how much more important it is to just make myself happy instead. 

The engagement part would be nice- I’m not going to lie, but why is that the first thing people must ask? For awhile, I was entirely too focused on getting a ring on my finger. Not just because I wanted a ring… I did genuinely want that commitment. But now, I know I have that commitment with or without a rock. I find that so much more important. I’m happy I learned that lesson before I ever got married or engaged. Because if you seriously need a ring for validation then I feel a little sad for your relationship. I used to be that sad person. But now I have no doubt that eventually I will be able to refer to Boyfriend as Husband. So when it comes, it comes. And, I’m just guessing here but, I bet it will be worth the wait. 

For now, I’m brushing up on my interior decorating skills and preparing for negotiations for that second dog… 

What’s your scarlet letter and what does it stand for? 

I hate being told, “You have great potential.” That’s basically like saying, “well currently you suck, but I see you possibly succeeding at a later date.” I never take this comment personally because I know that it’s always said with the nicest of intentions, but still it almost without a doubt solicits an eye roll from me.

A lot of people “have potential.” That doesn’t mean they will actually amount to anything. One slip up and the potential is gone, everything you worked for is dashed. The “it’s not fair policy” is practically jammed down our throats as unassuming children and we learn that potential, though good, won’t get you crap. Potential only works when all the factors come together just so and then it can be realized for something substantial? The only people that I’ve see this work for are people, in my opinion, who don’t really deserve it. And to back this statement up I offer ONE of my personal examples out of my ”Life Isn’t Fair” vault.

Personal Anecdote: When I was in my junior year of college- I busted my ass to study for my LSAT’s in preparation for law school. I took a Princeton Review prep class for months, did the homework, took the practice tests. I was told by many people, “you have great lawyer potential.” Test day came around- I was completely prepared. Until I got my scores back… and though not terribly catastrophic… I’m clearly not a lawyer today. You can draw your own conclusion there, but let me add though that I’m not a total failure, I actually didn’t end up applying to law school anyway because I decided it just wasn’t for me. But anyway, had I kicked that test’s ass, things might have turned out differently.
On the flip side, I’ve seen people not do crap and practically walk their way into law school. That’s infuriating. They don’t care, they don’t have a passion, but they happen to test well.

I’ve been told I’m entirely too cynical for a 23 year old. To which I respond- well, duh… but I’ve got great potential to be an optimist! Too bad those factors didn’t fall into place…

Anyone else have a good old “life isn’t fair” gripe you’d like to throw in? Here’s your chance to rant about that high school spite that you’ve never quite ridded yourself of… so let me hear it!