A little while ago, I wrote about how difficult it is to take criticism from coworkers who also happen to be friends. I used the example of my Coworker K. Well maybe I found the reason why. Maybe I have an issue with separating personal from professional. That’s not really a maybe- that’s a definitely. I just can’t seem to separate the two. When can you go to a coworker as a friend and not fear crossing some straight professional line? How much of yourself can you really let people know? And worse yet- when the coworker starts off as a friend first, and then becomes coworker only- it makes the relationship even harder to navigate. Do you pull away completely and close yourself off to all personal contact? Or do you have to play that stupid game where you can only tell some things and not others? I’m an all or nothing kind of girl. I don’t play the games- never have. I’m not a fake person and if I hate you I’m going to tell you. If you upset me, I’m going to let you know. I’m not going to pretend that you’re some wonderful person if you’re not. That’s something I pride myself on. If I worked with my best friend and I got upset with her outside of work for something, then it would be difficult to act like I’m ok with her at work. Even though I know it’s necessary and in a lot of cases, mandatory.

But other than checking every syllable, every thought, and every keystroke- what are we real people supposed to do? We aren’t robots. Our personality is what makes us who we are. I was hired based on my personality- I had 0 experience. My enthusiasm, willingness to learn, and honest acknowledgment of my shortcomings is what got me where I am. And now I feel like those traits that inherently make me who I am- need to be beaten out of me to succeed. Maybe I’m totally off-base. But think about it… someone used this analogy with me the other day and it made a lot of sense. If you absolutely hated the owner of the company you work for or the CEO or someone of that power- would you tell him you hated him or cop some bitchy attitude with him if he asked you to do something. No way! You’d smile and accept any task graciously and eagerly and then you’d get that task done as quickly, efficiently, and beautifully as you possibly could. 

Back to my point. I try to hold my emotions. I try to stay professional. But what if your frustrations don’t lie with the owner of the company? What if they are just with any person at work? Sometimes you just can’t help it. I get upset. I take things personally. I probably shouldn’t, but I do.  You can’t let your personal life interfere with your professional life. But I just don’t know how to shut myself off.

Are we starting to see a pattern here? 

So how do you do it? How do you control your emotions even when you want to scream? Write it off as stupid work problem? Laugh it off? Go home and do a lot of bitching but smile like everything is cool tomorrow? Seriously?! I need some tips! 

This week has been extremely productive. I got a ton of things crossed off a very extensive list at work. I feel like I took some great strides in learning to not second guess myself. Some of this second guessing is really messing with my head. It starts me make me feel incompetent and incapable. But then I have days like the last 3 where I learn, I grow, and I get shit done and I did it all without needing a lecture. I needed some self realization minus the condescension that usually surrounds me. It was like a nice confirmation that I don’t suck entirely at my job and I got it all on my own. Thanks for all the kind comments on getting me through the rough times! Those help more than you can know!

Boyfriend and I are in the full throws of house hunting. We were out til 5-8ish on Tuesday night and now we’re going out again tomorrow. We saw 5 houses and hopefully will see 6-7 tomorrow. It’s tiring! But we do have 2 great prospects that I’m very excited about. There were 2 houses that I fell in love with and there are a couple tomorrow that I think will be awesome. The biggest problem right now is the drive. All the houses that are decent and in our price range are quite the drive from work. 40+ minutes. But for the house we might buy… it could be worth it. 

On a gross note, the door to the closet that houses our cat’s litter box got shut! Neither boyfriend nor I has any recollection of this happening. I don’t use the second bedroom for anything and therefore never go in there, but boyfriend swears he did not shut it. But anyway- we both noticed a nasty smell permeating our apartment and finally found the cause… poor cat had no where to relieve himself and took a large poop and multiple pees around the second bedroom. EWWWWW!!! Needless to say our windows are open and the Febreeze is sprayed liberally. 

On top of this crazy stuff going on, I was chasing peeing dog this morning after she peed on the carpet and I took a bit of a nose dive trying to grab her. In doing so, I think I pulled something in my glute muscle. I could barely pick myself up off the floor and hobbled around the office all day. It’s extremely painful. I tried stretching it but just can’t seem to loosen it up. No good. Hobbling around 6 houses tomorrow is going to be rough. 

We need to get out of this apartment. My apologies to the future owners… I do hope they get you some new carpet. Apartment owners can keep the $99 security deposit!! 

Sorry for a bit of a rant here! I’m very very tired and in quite a bit of pain. Peeing dog is a bitch! (But she’s sleeping so sweetly next to me and you would never know she’s the spawn of Satan.) 

If you don’t have anything nice to say… don’t say anything at all.

I always found this to be a very interesting saying because as I’ve mentioned. I don’t easily shut my mouth. But this blog is a bit about teaching myself restraint. Sometimes it’s good because you can control your mouth before you say things you don’t mean. But today I feel like I would mean every word that comes out. Which might not be the best thing for me… as good as it might feel at the time! 

So today I must invoke this over-spoken rule mostly used on 5 year olds. 

But what are your thoughts on the rule? Lame or necessary? Personally I feel it’s lame BUT necessary. And sadly I feel like a large part of me is diminishing because I like to pride myself on honesty and I feel like I’m being dishonest to myself by not speaking my mind. But anyway- it sadly is necessary today. 

I’ve had a few conversations with my friends lately. They all seem to revolve around relationships and careers and how they can’t seem to be happy. Well oddly enough, I’m reading the new Cosmo magazine with Scarlett Johansson on the cover and found an article about how women in their early 20′s are more likely to be unhappy than women in their late 20′s and beyond. 

Mostly this is because they are feeling the pressure of “what’s next” or “what should I be doing” vs “am I happy in what I’m doing right now” or “how can I make myself happy right now?” It’s a weird thing. I won’t lie- I am the happiest I have ever been (at this exact moment in time). Sometimes I see everyone around me getting engaged and/or married and I get frustrated. I get that whole, but it should be MY turn now

 complex and it sets me off my rocker making me feel like I’m unhappy or should be unhappy. But it’s just a stupid expectation and want. Because really, I AM happy! And therefore I’ve been trying lately to let that expectation go and to just have fun. It’s been working and I am certainly having a LOT of fun! 

But I see a lot of my friend who aren’t happy. My brilliant, beautiful, sweet, kind, thoughtful friends who have everything going for them. Some are unhappy because they have buttheads for boyfriends and aren’t getting what they need out of the relationship and another one of my friends is so stressed over school, school debt and relationship hoopla that she’s practically given herself an ulcer. 

We all feel the pressure that we should be doing something that we aren’t. Or that we should have something that we don’t. Women especially are made to feel like they aren’t complete if they don’t have that thing that everyone around them seems to have. It’s so silly but yet so understandable. Why do we put such pressure on ourselves to have the great career, husband/boyfriend, AND (insert whatever else here)? Why is what what we have never good enough? And don’t get me wrong- I am not ok with settling- and that’s not what I mean at all. But more so, where does this pressure come from and why is it so mind numbingly awful to not have the things we think we should have? 

I don’t want to come off as preachy or sound like- ‘Oh I’m so happy and therefore I have found the key to life’s happiness’- because I hate to break it to you all, I absolutely do not and I definitely have my insecure days. The days where I see others that have what I want and feel like I should have them too (right now!)- I get so upset that I usually take it out on poor confused boyfriend who’s thinking what freaking switch just got flipped or trying to search for my stash of crazypills. But on the day to day, generally I’m very happy and grateful for what I have. But really, who doesn’t want it all? I think what bugs me is that women often internalize this and think, “what’s wrong with me that I don’t have this?” We, Gen Y-ers are born to want it all and when we don’t, it makes us feel like we aren’t good enough. But I want to know… why. 

So I leave it to you, brilliant readers. Why are we so hell bent on having it all? What are you wanting right now that you don’t have. Then tell me- how do you plan on getting it or how do you plan on letting the unnecessary go? 

Since I spent my last post being sappy, I think I’ll spend today being cynical. Gotta keep that balance! 

So… being that I work in advertising, we are always at the mercy of our clients. They pay the bills and therefore we do what they say. It doesn’t matter if what they want goes against every fiber of your being- you do what they say and give them what you want. And even when you give them what they want- they didn’t want it that way. It’s all a big circle. So being that I’m a bit short on time tonight, I thought I’d let this wonderful video say it all for me. This YouTube gem was passed around my office last week. It’s completely true and by watching it, maybe you can tell the kind of day I had. Enjoy!