I was so excited for my Mom to get here on Friday with my wedding dress. (No, not the Vera sadly.) It had been at my parent’s house in Buffalo for 2 weeks and I wouldn’t let my mom open the box until she was with me. Finally, I undid the tape and slowly lifted the beautiful fabric out of the many layers of plastic and wrapping. I held the gown up and looked at it. It was beautiful but something wasn’t right. I chalked it up to getting smooshed in a box for 2 weeks and convinced myself that all it needed was a good steaming and fluffing. I know I love my dress but I’ve been battling wedding dress second guessings for awhile… so I decided to put it on to show my Mom and also stifle my “something wrong” feeling.
Sadly, this stifled nothing… it merely confirmed my bad feelings. The dress didn’t fit. It was so tight in the bust I could barely breathe but so large in the hip that it was laying all wrong. Then I started to notice the poor construction all over the place. The dress wasn’t laying right not just because it was too big, but the top layer was sewn to the inside lining in random places all over. The bust line, which was one of the major selling points of the dress, was also completely messed up! The manufacturer actually sewed down parts that were supposed to be sticking up. My beautiful wedding dress was a total and complete disaster. It was so poorly made that it barely resembled the sample dress I tried on at the store back in April, that gave me happy visions of not just walking, but skipping down the aisle.

Insert mini breakdown here.

It’s things like this that make me want to just run away and elope. The good news is that the store is trying to help me. Throughout this whole process, they have been incredibly helpful and hopefully they can do something to remedy this situation. Due to the construction issues alone, they are trying to get the manufacturer to make me an entirely new dress. They are also trying to get it made in the next size up to accommodate my bust. I have not been given confirmation yet if this will all be possible… I’m waiting anxiously.

Lesson Learned: It’s never too early to buy your dress. I would advise all brides to start looking at dresses and styles immediately after getting engaged. Then as soon as you pick your date and venue, go buy your dress. This way you know everything will tie together in style AND assures that there’s plenty of time to fix any problems that might arise. I’ve heard much worse stories than mine where bridal salons go out of business, tailors hold dresses hostage, dresses getting destroyed, you name it. This way you take every precaution that you don’t end up dress-less on your big day.
Or worse…

About a year ago I mentioned how bummed I was about finding out via Facebook how one of my best friends got engaged. I was and am happy for him, but I was sad that he didn’t tell me himself. (Since that post, we have reconciled from our falling out and are now on good terms.) I’ve known the guy since I was 9 and we dated for about a year when we were in high school. My first “real” love, he went off to college, we broke up but remained close friends. I always knew that if I really needed something, he’d be there. It’s that kind of bond you can only have with someone who grew up with you and understands you. But over the college years, we grew apart mainly because of distance and finding our own lives outside of our hometown. In the process, we both found the real loves of our lives and then daily life takes over. Life is busy. It’s hard to maintain relationships- even when you live in the same town with people. But if you don’t live in the same place, it’s even harder.

Anyway, he’s getting married tomorrow to his beautiful fiance. Though she and I have never met, I’m sure she’s a really great person because my friend has great judge of character. I’ve tried many times to arrange get togethers when we’ve all been in my hometown for holidays, but it never worked out. Most likely partially due to that fact and partially because he and I once dated, I was not invited to their wedding. I completely understand the reasoning, and I’m sure I’d give a big HELL NO if my fiance wanted to invite an ex to our wedding, but nonetheless it makes me very sad. I wish I could be there and watch them get married. I wish all the awkwardness with this type of situation (which is unavoidable, I know) wouldn’t be a factor. I wish inviting them to Chris and my wedding wouldn’t be weird. Maybe I wish it was Chris and me getting married tomorrow. I wish a lot of things. What can I say? – I’m secretly an idealist.

When I was 15 or so, I used to joke with him that if he got married before me, I’d be like Julia Roberts in My Best Friend’s Wedding and try to sabotage it by any means I could. Alas, I won’t be doing that. Instead, I called him the other day and offered him some relaxing advice and then I gave him a heartfelt congratulations. I hope he knows I meant it.

Growing up is kinda crappy sometimes. You realize that no matter how much you want to hold on to certain friendships or relationships, you might not be able to anymore or you have to try to be more flexible and adapt them to your new life. Because that life thing continues to take over and slowly you realize that priorities change and loyalties lie elsewhere now. Change is good. I welcome change, though I do wish it were a little easier sometimes. For everyone.

(photo: movie still from My Best Friend’s Wedding)

I had asked a friend of mine since my freshman year of college to be a bridesmaid in my wedding. She has known Chris and me for almost our whole relationship and has been very supportive of the ups and downs that came with it. I appreciated that in her but I’ve recently noticed some tension bubbling between us for awhile. Every time a little disagreement happened, it would get completely blown out of proportion and end up with us not speaking for a couple weeks. Petty arguments are not my thing. I’m a very direct person so I like to address things, resolve them and be done with them. I’ve learned that most disagreements are easy to forgive and forget when it comes to people who matter- but that theory has to go for both people. One person can’t always be playing peacemaker.

Wedding planning is stressful and hard. If fights start to happen with bridesmaids it can cause a friction that’s so horrible for the bride that it can be even more stressful than the wedding itself. This should not be happening. Your bridesmaids are your people who will be there to calm you down, take your stress away, and if necessary run interference between your future mother in law that drives you crazy or your drunk uncles groping guests. They are your go-to girls for whatever you need. They should NOT be bitching about the how inconvenienced they are, complaining about how horrible their dress is, or generally making you want to tear your hair out. If a bridesmaid starts to become a topic of vent sessions… it’s time to do something about it.

Demoting a bridesmaid sucks. It’s uncomfortable and weird, but sometimes it’s necessary to maintain your sanity and you shouldn’t feel badly about it. However, you should take the time to consider what you are about to do. Ask yourself a few questions-
1. Is an uncomfortable 5 minutes of asking them to step down, worth the relief of not having to deal with the person anymore?
2. Has your bridesmaid become a sore subject or topic of stress during your wedding planning?
3. Does your bridesmaid have the potential to ruin your day due to personal mini-dramas or problems because she won’t be able to put it aside for a few hours?

If your answer is yes to any or all of these questions, then you should consider asking your bridesmaid to step down or at least have a serious conversation about your worries and frustrations. If your bad seed bridesmaid cares enough, she will apologize and vow to change her attitude for your day. If she doesn’t and instead tries to argue with you, it’s time to pull the plug.

This is what happened in my case. Another argument ensued, after which I was completely reassured that I made the right decision. I am not a bridezilla and if this happens to you, you aren’t either! You deserve a perfect day and nothing should compromise that.

(book cover photo courtesy of “Bad Bridesmaid” by Siri Agrell)

You know that little girl running around your neighborhood who loves to play dress up in ridiculous costumes and play jewelry? That used to be me. I would run around in the most ridiculous outfits including my mother’s old high school prom dress that she sewed herself. I’d collect lilacs from my tree in the backyard or dandelions for my beautiful bouquets. I loved to pretend it was my wedding.

When I was about 6 or 7, there was a wedding going on down the street. I donned an old Cinderella costume from Halloween, pulled on my purple elbow length gloves, tiara, fake pearls, and ran down the block. With my little red wagon in tow filled with rocks, flowers, and other treasures, I begged the wedding party to let me be their flower girl. The bride was nice enough to come over to the little gypsy homeless looking girl me and tell me that she thought I looked very nice but sadly could not be in the wedding.

I have always dreamed about my own wedding. The dream has changed many times over the years and has slowly morphed into the vision that we are creating for January 1, 2011. One thing that hasn’t changed- my love for things that are entirely too expensive. To name one thing specifically, since I was old enough to know who she was, I have longed for a Vera Wang gown. Her gowns stand for everything that girls could ever want on their wedding day- timelessness, effortlessly chic, stunning, perfection, the list goes on. I had pretty much conceded on ever owning one and went ahead and bought my dress. And even though I love my dress, I had second thoughts. Even now, I love my dress but it’s not a Vera. Being incredibly stupid, I tried on a Vera dress yesterday. Made of some of the softest tulle you could ever imagine touching- it was stunning. I didn’t want to take it off. But with a price tag of $4500, it isn’t even close to a possibility. Even if I sold the dress I already have, it would barely make a dent in that price.

And now I’ve created a major dress dilemma. Nothing compares to a Vera Wang dress. They are special. You put it on and you can’t imagine wearing anything else. I would sleep in this dress. I’d wear it to the grocery store. I’d pull a Miss Havisham and just never take it off. I even tried to send a picture of the dress to my stepfather thinking he’d say something negative and I’d be able to let go of my dream dress with some dignity. Instead he came back with this- “that dress was made for you.” Then we had an exchange about how there’s no way I can afford it. I also can’t really justify spending that much on a dress I’ll wear once. But I can’t stop thinking about it. I dreamed of the Vera last night. I can’t stop thinking about how I felt in it. Every detail was flawless. It was as if Vera Wang herself had designed a one of a kind dress just for me. I would do anything for this dress.

Someone help me! Talk me out of this. Talk sense into me. It’s crazy and I clearly need some wedding dress therapy. But do both of us a favor and look at the dress… then try to talk me out of it. But I think just about anyone who understands and appreciates fashion will take my side on the matter.

Chris and I don’t have all that much in common. We have similar minds, in that we think alike, but as for hobbies we are polar opposites. We both know it and sometimes it can take its toll on our relationship. I feel that separate hobbies are nice and even necessary to maintain some semblance of self and individualism in close relationships like marriage. But doing everything separate doesn’t always make for the easiest of paths because sometimes you want your partner to take part in the things you love.

For example, Chris loves motorcycles. Therefore, 2 years ago, when he moved to Columbus to be with me, he bought me my own hot pink and black sparkly motorcycle helmet so I can go on rides with him. I love wearing that helmet and it makes me excited to participate in one of his favorite hobbies. On the flip side, I love animals. Therefore, Chris bought me a second dog as a surprise for Christmas and puts up with the messes my pets make on a daily basis. But, sometimes these small interests in each other’s hobbies aren’t enough.

Recently we made a promise to each other to find the things that we both enjoy doing and make more time to do them together. One of the things we love to do the most is cook. Hence, our new ‘Cooking Sunday.’ Not a very creative name I know, but we have a blast. We base our meals on things we haven’t tried before, vegetables we’ve grown in our garden, ingredients we find at Farmer’s Markets, etc. We even ride bikes to the Farmer’s Market in town to find stuff. After a month, here is a short list of things we’ve made:

-Homemade pasta and sauce- tomatoes and veggies grown in garden
-Apple and Jalepeno jelly- the apples were picked at an orchard and the jalepenos grown in our garden
-Pesto made from basil grown in our garden
-Applesauce from our day at the orchard apple picking
-Roasted chicken with veggies and Caprese salad
-Zucchini bread for ourselves and all our neighbors
-Summer squash soup
I’m happy to give recipes if anyone is interested in trying any of this stuff. Everything we’ve made thus far has been completely delicious!

I’m also learning to love new things that I never would have done before. I love to go camping, which is something I never did until I met Chris. We also found we love to kayak and we’re hoping to buy our own in the next year. Rock climbing is also a fun activity to do together. If you’re feeling adventurous, try taking a weekend road trip together to somewhere you’ve never been.

It’s also nice to just go on dates together. A fun dinner or happy hour always puts me in a good mood. I feel proud to sit across from my fiance, share my thoughts with him, listen to what he has to say and spend time with him. Apple, berry, or pumpkin picking makes for a more relaxing and cute date. Wine tasting is another love of ours… gee I wonder why?

Doing these things have created a new playfulness to our relationship. Trying them together has brought us much closer. Even if the activity turns out to be lame, you bond because you can laugh about it afterwards. If it’s fun, then you have something new to spice up boring days.

What are some things you and your significant other like to do together? Try anything fun lately?